I've talked a lot about my son Joshua and how sorry I am for his death. But I wanted to go a little further and now explain the situation that I was in. Abortion is always a debate, but I have always wanted to share my story to show why it is about much more than a debate or just a "choice". Abortion is so much more than one moment of time or one appointment at a clinic and never thought of again. There are struggles before to lead a woman to that point and a life of shame and regret afterward. Abortion is more than a moment, it is a life-changing event.
For me, my abortion story started when a man brought a single rose to me at work. You know the cheap ones you buy at a gas station? Yeah, that's how desperate I was for attention. He asked me out and I went. We ended up spending a lot of time together after that. I really didn't care much for him, but he gave me attention which I needed and he had a son who I really loved. I didn't really think that I had much of a choice, so I continued the relationship. It was probably one of the lowest times of my life when it should've been the happiest. I had a young son (from a previous relationship) and loved him more than I could express. I had hoped that this man would provide a father figure for my son, but instead he offered nothing but problems.
It wasn't long before I found out that I was pregnant. I had always considered myself pro-choice but also said that I would never do it myself. I thought that women should have a right to decide what happened to her own body, I never allowed myself to consider that pregnancy was about more than just a woman's body. I knew that for myself, I would keep the baby. However, I was growing tired of this relationship. He had become abusive, both physically and emotionally. I had known that his ex-wife had died but I began to believe that he had killed her. Certain things he said led me to believe that he had taken this poor woman's life so that he could keep his son. It took me a while, but I finally got out of the relationship. Then it became worse. He began stalking me and telling me that I could never get away from him because we had a baby together. Then I knew that I only had one way out.
I literally woke up one morning and decided that I would have to have an abortion if I ever wanted away from this man. My child would have to pay the price with his life for my bad choices. I was seventeen weeks pregnant. I knew that my child was a real human life. I had heard his heartbeat. I had felt him grow. I also knew that If I didn't do this now then I would have a lifetime of being this man's captive.
For the safety of my son and the sake of our happiness, I chose to abort my child. I decided that I would push all that I knew about pregnancy and the growth of a child in utero. I would not allow myself to even give one thought to what I was about to do. I told myself that this was what had to be done and that I was going to do it and hold my head up high. So that day I made the phone calls and set up my appointment. I had no idea how my entire world would change from this one "choice".
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