A New Life

Twenty-one years and nine months ago I was a young, free spirit. I could attempt to make that sound like a beautiful thing, but a better way of describing me would be dumb, selfish and irresponsible. I made a lot of mistakes. I lived for myself and didn't think too much about anything outside of my own little bubble and what I had going on at the moment.

I was 22 years old and while my family loved me, I'm sure that I was quite a disappointment to them in many of my lifestyle choices. Some have told me that they were certain that I would never grow up and take responsibility for my life. I really didn't care. I considered myself responsible and thought that I had it all together because I had a job and my own place and took care of myself. Then something happened to show me just how little grown up I actually was.

Somewhere around late May, early June of that year, 1996, I found out that I was pregnant. My world was going to change. My selfish days were over. My partying days were over. I was just going to be a mommy, and I was perfectly ok with that. I was later told by some family members that they were sure that I would not even so much as be able to wake up with the baby for the late night feedings. Had I not changed, they may have been right.

But I did change. I wasn't yet a Christian, but I can look back and be one hundred percent positive that God used that little baby to completely change my world. It feels like just yesterday that I was leaving my aunts house that night to go to the hospital, prepared for a long night of labor, although I had no clue what that meant or the pain that I would suffer bringing my precious baby boy into the world. I can still see his precious little newborn face staring up at me; so handsome, so frail, so wonderful.

This little man of mine taught me how to love. He taught me how to care for others and how I needed to care for myself so that I could be there for him He was the first to teach me about unconditional love. He was the first to show me an unbreakable bond. We spent a lot of time in your first year with just you and me. No one else around and just growing together as new mother and son. You will always hold a special part of my heart because you taught me how to be a mom. Because of you, God allowed me to have a new life.

We have had many ups and downs in the last twenty-one years, but through it all, you have grown to be an amazing young man. So talented, so caring and thoughtful, such a wonderful, beautiful soul. I am so proud of my baby boy. Though you will always be my baby boy, your time as a child is over. You are starting your own life and have already done so much better than I did when I was your age. I am proud to be your mom. I love you so much more than you'll ever even know. But I hope that you always know that no matter where you go in life, I will always love you more than anything. I will always be here for you. I will always have your back.

I love you so much baby boy. I hope you have an amazing birthday!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!   

My Dad's Last Days

Four years ago today I was at our church preparing for another busy Upward (basketball) Saturday. Snow was coming down in buckets and while the picture outside the window was beautiful, it proved to be very dangerous for driving. Because of that, Upward was cancelled for the day. Being the ones in charge of getting the church prepared for the day, my family and I were already at the church when the decision was made to cancel so we decided to close everything back up and make the trek home.

I remember thinking that it may be a peaceful, quiet day because we couldn't go anywhere thanks to the weather. I was happy for the change in pace and looked forward to getting caught up on things at home and playing games with my kids. As we know too well, it only takes one second for a persons whole life to change. That second happened on this Saturday for me.

My dad, who lived in my hometown which was three hours away from where I live had been in Hospice care for about three years. He had been up and down health-wise. There had been many times when I would get the call to hurry down to be at his side, so I was used to that at this point. But when this call came in, I knew it would be the last. Hospice had agreed. It was time to call the family in. My dad's health had declined and he had not been alert. He had been moved a few days before from the Hospice inpatient house to a local nursing home. The nurse, an old family friend, knew that his time was now very short.

I spent that Saturday feeling heart-broken and stuck. My dad was on his deathbed and could breathe his last breath at any moment and I was stuck in central Ohio. There was absolutely no way to make the trip to southern Ohio to be by his side. There was nothing that I could do. Nothing, but to pray. I cried many tears that day and prayed that God would let him hold on just until I could get there.

The weather broke throughout the day and praise God, the next morning I was able to make the trip to be by my daddy's side. Walking into my dad's room I felt so peaceful. His body was there, but it did not take long to realize that, while he was still breathing, his soul had already begun departing.

Dad slept, of course. Though he would "wake up" periodically, he really wasn't awake. It was just a matter of time, as his body had already begun the process of shutting down. While this was a sad thing for my family and me, it was joyous for him. We could even see it in his face. His body lay in that bed, but his mind, we could tell, was seeing Jesus.

I spent two nights in that little room with so many questions racing through my mind. During those two days, I also enjoyed precious time with some family and family friends that I hadn't seen in a long time. It was so good to spend time with them, I still to this day cherish that time. I remember talking with my husband, who was still at our home asking what I should do. We still had things that needed done at home, kids to get through school. We knew that his time was short, but it could have been minutes or a week. I didn't know if I should go home, get things organized, get more clothes and come back, or if I should stay. My husband, being his typical wonderful self, assured me that I needed to be there and that things would be ok at home. So I went to Walmart to buy some clean clothes to wear and decided to stay.

That next morning, Wednesday, my husband called and asked if I wanted him to come down. I told him that it was up to him. He said that he felt like he should be there to hold my hand, as I held my dad's hand. He gave all our kids the option to go and my daughter chose to come along as well. She would text me to update the progress of the trip. About the time that I knew they were almost there, we started to notice some differences in how my dad was. We were watching, but trying to stay calm as well. Some guests had just left and I sat down in the chair at the foot of my dad's bed. I was in college and wanted to try and get some of my work done. Almost as soon as I opened up my coursework, something started happening. My dad started shaking, almost as if he was having some sort of a seizure.

The shaking did not last too awful long and dad's body relaxed. Somehow, we all knew that the time we had been dreading for years had finally come. Just at that moment, my husband and daughter walked in the room. It was as if he was holding on for them to get there. I watched as hid chest would rise and fall; each breath a little more different and further apart. Someone had told me that when it got to this point we should count between breathes, so I did. 5... 10... 20... The nothing.

I will never forget my dad's last breath. I have never felt so sad and relieved at the same time. I was heart-broken that my daddy was gone, but so happy for him because I knew he was now in Heaven. I knew that the second he took that last breath he was in the arms of Jesus. He was vising with his mom and dad, his brother. He was no longer in pain. He was no longer sad. He was no longer worried. He was nothing but peaceful and happy. To this day, that understanding helps me deal with the pain and sadness of his departure.

Even though I will always have that peace, I will also always miss my daddy. I spent way too many years upset with him and not talking to him. I can never get those years back. But I know that at the end, we had a great relationship. I praise God that I got to hold his hand as he entered eternity. I know that he wanted me there.

Until I join you, I love you and miss you daddy.
Larry Bussa
1/1/47 - 1/29/14

Stand for the Kids

I have heard recently about bullying that is happening at our local schools. My message here is short and simple. This is NOT acceptable. It is the responsibility of the ENTIRE community to put a stop to this as soon as possible. Bullying is a problem within the community so the people of said community need to step up and deal with the problem together.

First my message is to the bully and the parents of said bully. The chances are, you are bullying someone else because you are hurt or struggling with something yourself. Please don't take it out on others. There is help, seek it and find ways to love yourself and others. For the parents, please understand that your precious little angels are human; they make mistakes, they are not perfect. Call them out on their downfalls. You are not helping them by allowing them to be thugs.

To the parents of the kids that are being bullied; continue to love, support and listen to your children. They are hurting. They probably will try to hide their feelings as they believe the lies instead of the truth about who they really are. The best things that you can do for them is love them and do your best to keep the lines of communication open. Check their phones and social media accounts. Yes, kids should have privacy, but this is where these problems exist and it is vital to be aware.

Friends of the kids being picked on, please stand up for them. Yes, you will probably be picked on as well, but isn't your friend worth it? Once everyone stands together, the problems stop. Listen to your friends, show them you love them, and show the bullies that you will not allow your friends to be picked on. Show them that you will be their strength when they cannot carry themselves. One day, you will need them to carry you.

Teachers and school officials, I realize that you are busy, but this MUST be in the forefront. Kids are DYING from this epidemic! Children are telling each other to kill themselves and they are listening. Nothing can be more important than this; lives are at stake! Use your education and your skills and find ways to listen to these kids. Watch as you go throughout the day and see which kids are all the sudden sitting by themselves or acting out of character. Parents are trusting you with their most precious possessions, it is not just a job that you hold, it is life! Please don't let the parents down.

Finally, for the community, whether you have kids in a particular school or not, this is your problem. Take a stand. Reach out to parents that you see struggling. Reach out to kids that you know. We have become a society that stays in our own little bubbles and no longer accepts other people. Be friendly. Be helpful. Be aware. It just might make us all a little more happy.

New Year Statements

"New year, new you!"

"Hoping 2018 is better than 2017"

"Here's to a new year, let's make it better than the last!"

We all hear them every year (or see them on social media). They begin around mid-December and end at the beginning of January. The message is always the same no matter how it is worded, the previous year was bad, hopefully the upcoming year will be better. If you wouldn't mind giving me a few minutes of your precious time, maybe I could give you a fresh outlook on this old as time saying.

There is a hint to what I am trying to get at in the last statement that I listed at the beginning. "Here's to a new year, let's make it better than the last!" Making it better is exactly what will make it better. A year, a week, a minute, any point of time is going to be accompanied by good and bad. It all lies in what you make of it.

Let's use this scenario as an example, let's say I walk into a room and there are ten people in this room. Four of the people in this room are my best friends, three of them are people I do not like and the remaining three are people that I have never met. I have a choice as to where to keep my focus. Do I enjoy the time with my best friends, spend my time in this room in bitterness because of the people that I do not like, or allow myself to feel displaced because I do not know three of the people? There are other possibilities as well (like meeting the new people, or finding ways to like the ones that I do not like) but for this example, I would like to stick with these three options.

Most people would consider this scenario and say that they would obviously enjoy the time with their best friends. However, that is not the outlook that most of us have when it comes to other things. It is the same as the old "glass is half full" saying. A room has our best friends in it, we will choice to enjoy ourselves and our time with our friends. However, a year is full of friends as well. Sure there are people that we don't like that we have to deal with, as well as people that we don't know. A year (or any amount of time, but since we are discussing the new year statements, I'll stick with that span of time for now) is full of hardships, but it is also full of good times.

The answer to this age-old sentiment is in the perspective of the one who asks it. How do you make the new year better than the last? By focusing on the good. Work through your hard times, allow them to help you grow, then move on and find some good in it. There is always good to be found in any situation; sometimes it just takes a little work to find it. However, once you have learned this trick, you will have found the key to peace and happiness.

Instead of considering the bad from the year 2017, look back and ponder on the good things that came from the year. If you must look at the bad things, consider how you can learn from them so that they won't cause you any more harm. I know that this is much easier said than done, but the peace that it brings is very much worth the effort that it will take.

I have lived a life of hardship and at one time in my life was a very bitter person. I know very personally how hard this is, but I know how wonderful it is in the end as well.

Life is full of hard times and bad things. But focusing on that bad makes life even worse. Focus on the good. Let the light outshine the darkness. Spend the entire year doing that and see if your words might be different next December 31st.