I am the type of person that holds everything in. I am the strength for everyone else, so I never let out my burdens because that would mean needing strength from someone else. Deep down I wish that I could let it all go to someone, but usually it's more of just exploding every once in a while. I guess this is safe to let it out here because I'm pretty sure that no one even reads my blog anyways. If you are reading this, please feel free to comment and let me know. I would love to know that someone actually does read this :)
I haven't been able to post for a while, but I really would like to start posting daily. I have been extremely busy lately. On top of my every day craziness, I have been driving back and forth to help take care of my dad and my grandpa (who I will from now on refer to as Popaw, because that is what I have always called him) who were both dying. I had the pleasure of getting to go see him last Friday. Things worked out just perfectly for me to make the trip, so I did. I am certain that this was a gift from God. He passed away early the next morning. This past week has been a heart-wrenching journey.
It has been wonderful being able to see family members that I haven't seen in a very long time. I have missed them all greatly and was very happy to be able to see them and catch up a little. My kids had never even met two of my cousins who I consider my little brothers because I lived with them during my teenage years. I love them so much and they mean the world to me but the live in Alabama and I live in Ohio and we just don't get to see each other anymore. So that part was nice.
But Popaw's funeral, ugh! This man was my hero. I always considered him more of a father figure than a grandpa. I just plain adored him, as did anyone else who ever met the man! He was truly an wonderful man. I know that he was in pain and is now in Heaven and I praise God for that and cannot wait to see him again one day. But selfishly, I am sad. I miss him.
I thought that I would be ok with this because he was in so much pain, but I am taking it even harder than I expected. I just can't seem to get back into life.
I guess there will need to be a part two to this, as with anything else, life calls, it is time to go to a ball game...
