I picked up the phone to call you today. I didn't really want much; I just was going to say "hi" maybe "how are you" and definitely "I miss you and sure wish I could see you and give you a great big hug". This feeling happens to me often. I think of how great it would be to talk to you, even if only for a few minutes. I remember how many talks we used to have and how I cherished spending time with you.
It is after this feeling that the hurt comes. For it is at this time that I remember that I am not able to call you because there are no phones in Heaven. You have left this world and moved on to the next one. You are in eternity while I am stuck here missing you. The hurt that comes is not an "ouch" type of a hurt. There are not external scars or any visible signs at all. It is all inside. It is a feeling that starts with the heart being crushed under a ton of weight followed by a feeling of what is left of my heart falling down into the pit of my stomach. I ache in ways that I never knew were possible.
When a bone is broken, it can be re-set and a cast put on until it heals. When the skin is cut so deep or wide that it will not heal, stitches or staples can be applied to ensure proper healing. Even a small cut can be taken care of with anti-bacterial medicine and a band aid. But this hurt, the pain of a lost loved one, there is no cure. No fix will make it better or go away. Time might ease the pain a bit but the hole in my heart will never be replaced no matter what I or anyone does.
While there is no cure for the pain, there is hope for the wounded. Two simple words can answer all my hurt; BUT GOD. You are with Him now and I will see you and Him one day. Until then all that I have to cling to are His words. Philippians 4:19 tells me that " And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus" (Holman Christian Standard Version). How can I remember this? Philippians 4:6 tells me "Don't worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God" (Holman Christian Standard Version). He is what I can lean on. As hard as it is, I'm praising Him for being my rock, my strength and my shield.
