What do you think of when you hear the word abortion?
Maybe you think, "Abortion is wrong! No one should do it and it should be made illegal!"
Or perhaps you're on the other side and you think, "It's a women's right and her choice as to what happens to her body!"
But what if I told you that there is another side to this great "debate". What if it was more than just an issue and that we all should consider something else surrounding abortion that not a lot of people are thinking about? There is another side and while many babies are dying, many other lives are being destroyed daily. This is something that we need to consider, and something that we MUST take a stand for immediately.
What I am talking about is the after-effect of abortion. Society tells us that abortion is ok and they fight for the "right" but everything stops once the woman leaves the clinic or hospital on that dreadful day. However, for the woman, it does not stop. For her, it is only the beginning of her horror.
Some may look at a post-abortive woman and think, "Oh, bless her heart" maybe they'll even commit to praying for her, but are we as a society, as a church reaching out to her? Or, perhaps the bigger question, are we showing woman that we will be a safe place for her to come to and open our arms to her; showing her love and compassion should she muster up the courage to stand and admit that she has made this "choice" and that she has been struggling ever since?
This is something that people may not understand because they have not gone through an unplanned pregnancy or an abortion. I can certainly understand that. Until the summer of 1997, I did not understand either. Until I was faced with this choice and my life was forever changed. But not knowing does not make us exempt. Can we drive down a road that has no speed limit sign and go whatever speed we want to? Absolutely not! It is up to us to find out the speed limit so that we can drive accordingly. Using that same analogy, it is up to us as the church and a society who cares about the women to understand and to take a stand for them.
That is the job that I want to do through GraceLight Ministry. I want to help educate people in the need for post-abortion care. I want to help women and men to feel confident to stand and admit what they have done so that they can gain the healing that they so desperately need. I want to help churches become aware of the amount of post-abortion souls that are silently crying out for help and show them ways to become open arms for the hurting to find healing.
Sadly, there are many churches who think that post-abortion care belongs to the Pregnancy Resource Centers or that they don't have anyone who is post-abortive at their church. This thinking is not only wrong but it is very dangerous. This thinking is what Satan has been using to keep these hurting souls in bondage. It is time to step up and fight for them. Won't you join me?
Please consider allowing GraceLight Ministry to come speak to your church, your women's group, or your youth group. There are many ways that you could help me. Introduce me to your pastor, tell people in your church about GraceLight Ministry, share this or any other of my ministry posts on Facebook, comment on the posts or hep me get some conversations going. Pray for GraceLight Ministry.
It's time we join together and stand for these hurting men and women. That is my goal for GraceLight Ministry. Won't you consider joining with me, please?
Wednesday, November 7, 2018
Thursday, August 16, 2018
What Hurts the Most
Pain. We all have to deal with it, some better than others. This is the story of one of my struggles with pain, regret and sorrow.
I had always thought that I had a pretty good handle on pain. I was very good at either letting the pain go or burying it deep within me. But then something horrible happened. My brother died.
My brother loved me more than I ever realized. He was human and had his misgivings for sure, but he was a good guy. I was the mean little sister. I picked on him and egged him on in fights while we were growing up constantly. But he always loved me and always wanted the best for me. When I had a boyfriend growing up, he would make friends with them just because I asked him to. Sometimes, he didn't want to but he still did anyway, just because he loved me. He gave up so many things that he dearly loved for me, and I never even noticed... until it was too late.
The last two weeks of my brother's life is a time that I will never forget. He was very sick and refusing care. The last time that he had gone to the hospital started a big fight. We knew that if he didn't get help he would die and I was not happy about that. Even still, he refused the care and the doctors sent him home. I was so upset I couldn't even look at him. I refused to talk to my brother for a few days. I will never get those days back.
Unfortunately, my guilt does not end there. There were many chances that I had to go visit him and I refused. I always found a reason not to. Many missed chances, lost memories, lost precious minutes. However, that is still not what hurts the most.
My brother's last day of life is a day that I would give anything to re-live. He called me that morning. He asked me if I would get a hold of his doctor for him. Being a very busy homeschool mom of five small children and knowing that he wouldn't listen to what his doctor said anyway, I really didn't want to be bothered. I answered his plea with attitude. My mind won't even allow me to remember the entire conversation, but I know that I refused his request. He ended up saying that it would be ok and for me not worry about it. So I didn't. I hung up the phone and went back to my day. I'll never forget his last words to me. He paused before hanging up and said "Hey Steph... I love you" I was frustrated and gave a quick "yeah, love you too" and hung up.
A few hours later, around lunch time I had the strangest feeling to go check on my brother. It was a very strong feeling. I called him and could not get an answer. After trying a few more times with no luck, I called my aunt who lived near where he lived and asked her to go check on him. She told me that she had seen him a little bit ago and that he was fine. So with that news, I let the nagging feeling go. A decision I will regret for the rest of my life.
Fast Forward a few more hours, now it's dinner time. I'm busy fixing dinner and keeping my kids occupied when the phone rings. When I answer I hear my step-dad frantic. He's saying those words that I will never forget, "Steph! Robb's gone!" Not understanding what he meant, I told him to calm down and that he was probably at his friend's house. "NO! HE'S G-G-G-G-GONE!!" he screams. With those words, my life would change forever.
I rushed to his house and found that my brother was dead. I talked to the paramedic, who happened to be a friend of mine from church and he hit me with one last does of life-long guilt. I asked my friend if he was sure that my brother was dead. Surely CPR or some other life-saving technique could be used and he'd bounce back up and be ok, right? Oh if that could be reality. My friend told me that there was a way to determine about how long he had been gone. The estimated time of his death was the time that I had the urge to go be with him.
I do not believe that had I been there, that I could have saved my brother, maybe I could have but probably not. But what I could've done was be there with him when he died. I could have held him and told him that I was sorry. I could have told him that I loved him. Instead, I selfishly stayed in my own bubble, my own little world and didn't allow myself to be bothered with him and his problems. I not only let him die alone but let him lay there for hours with no one with him.
Why? Why was I so selfish? Why could I not love him the way he loved me? So many "why's" that I will never be able to answer. I can speak in the air, or go to his grave, but I will never be able to let him hear me say "I'm sorry" I will never be able to make things right with him.
Pain I can handle. It's the regret that I can't handle. The regret that I cannot let go of. The finality of it all. These are the things that hurt the most. These are the things that even now, 14 years later that I cannot seem to let go of. This Sunday is the anniversary of his death. It will be the first time in 14 years that I have not been to his grave site. He will, as always, be on my mind all day long.
This song came out around the time of his death. Every time I hear it, I think of Robb. I think of the things that hurt me the most. I think of the regret that I have. I think of how much I miss him. Please take a minute and listen to the song. Think of those that you love. Tell them that you love them. Let the little things go. Sometimes, let the big things go! Have a good relationship with your loved ones now. Because one day, it will be too late.
If I could only have five more minutes with him...
What Hurts the Most by Rascall Flats
I had always thought that I had a pretty good handle on pain. I was very good at either letting the pain go or burying it deep within me. But then something horrible happened. My brother died.
My brother loved me more than I ever realized. He was human and had his misgivings for sure, but he was a good guy. I was the mean little sister. I picked on him and egged him on in fights while we were growing up constantly. But he always loved me and always wanted the best for me. When I had a boyfriend growing up, he would make friends with them just because I asked him to. Sometimes, he didn't want to but he still did anyway, just because he loved me. He gave up so many things that he dearly loved for me, and I never even noticed... until it was too late.
The last two weeks of my brother's life is a time that I will never forget. He was very sick and refusing care. The last time that he had gone to the hospital started a big fight. We knew that if he didn't get help he would die and I was not happy about that. Even still, he refused the care and the doctors sent him home. I was so upset I couldn't even look at him. I refused to talk to my brother for a few days. I will never get those days back.
Unfortunately, my guilt does not end there. There were many chances that I had to go visit him and I refused. I always found a reason not to. Many missed chances, lost memories, lost precious minutes. However, that is still not what hurts the most.
My brother's last day of life is a day that I would give anything to re-live. He called me that morning. He asked me if I would get a hold of his doctor for him. Being a very busy homeschool mom of five small children and knowing that he wouldn't listen to what his doctor said anyway, I really didn't want to be bothered. I answered his plea with attitude. My mind won't even allow me to remember the entire conversation, but I know that I refused his request. He ended up saying that it would be ok and for me not worry about it. So I didn't. I hung up the phone and went back to my day. I'll never forget his last words to me. He paused before hanging up and said "Hey Steph... I love you" I was frustrated and gave a quick "yeah, love you too" and hung up.
A few hours later, around lunch time I had the strangest feeling to go check on my brother. It was a very strong feeling. I called him and could not get an answer. After trying a few more times with no luck, I called my aunt who lived near where he lived and asked her to go check on him. She told me that she had seen him a little bit ago and that he was fine. So with that news, I let the nagging feeling go. A decision I will regret for the rest of my life.
Fast Forward a few more hours, now it's dinner time. I'm busy fixing dinner and keeping my kids occupied when the phone rings. When I answer I hear my step-dad frantic. He's saying those words that I will never forget, "Steph! Robb's gone!" Not understanding what he meant, I told him to calm down and that he was probably at his friend's house. "NO! HE'S G-G-G-G-GONE!!" he screams. With those words, my life would change forever.
I rushed to his house and found that my brother was dead. I talked to the paramedic, who happened to be a friend of mine from church and he hit me with one last does of life-long guilt. I asked my friend if he was sure that my brother was dead. Surely CPR or some other life-saving technique could be used and he'd bounce back up and be ok, right? Oh if that could be reality. My friend told me that there was a way to determine about how long he had been gone. The estimated time of his death was the time that I had the urge to go be with him.
I do not believe that had I been there, that I could have saved my brother, maybe I could have but probably not. But what I could've done was be there with him when he died. I could have held him and told him that I was sorry. I could have told him that I loved him. Instead, I selfishly stayed in my own bubble, my own little world and didn't allow myself to be bothered with him and his problems. I not only let him die alone but let him lay there for hours with no one with him.
Why? Why was I so selfish? Why could I not love him the way he loved me? So many "why's" that I will never be able to answer. I can speak in the air, or go to his grave, but I will never be able to let him hear me say "I'm sorry" I will never be able to make things right with him.
Pain I can handle. It's the regret that I can't handle. The regret that I cannot let go of. The finality of it all. These are the things that hurt the most. These are the things that even now, 14 years later that I cannot seem to let go of. This Sunday is the anniversary of his death. It will be the first time in 14 years that I have not been to his grave site. He will, as always, be on my mind all day long.
This song came out around the time of his death. Every time I hear it, I think of Robb. I think of the things that hurt me the most. I think of the regret that I have. I think of how much I miss him. Please take a minute and listen to the song. Think of those that you love. Tell them that you love them. Let the little things go. Sometimes, let the big things go! Have a good relationship with your loved ones now. Because one day, it will be too late.
If I could only have five more minutes with him...
What Hurts the Most by Rascall Flats
Monday, May 7, 2018
Making the Bible say What it Doesn't Say
This morning I have seen two things about the Bible that have gotten me thinking about how we need to be careful about what we say about the Bible and what it says. It is very important that we don't confuse our own interpretations and traditions with the actual truth.
I saw a post on Facebook (I apologize, I went back and tried to find it to add to this post, but I've lost it) about things that were believed to be in the Bible but were not. The problem with this post is that most of what they were saying was wrong. A great example of this is the fact that the post claimed that the Bible never mentions hell. Ummm... really?? I don't even know where they get that! There were other things in there that were just totally wrong or misrepresentations and word-twisting but that was the biggest example. This is a very dangerous and irresponsible way of handling God's Word.
Also, I was doing my Bible study this morning and came across something similar. I was reading about Daniel, if you spent any time in Sunday School, you know all about Daniel and the lion's den. In chapter 6 of the book of Daniel it tells us that because of an order that the king was tricked into signing into law, he had to place Daniel in a den of lions. Now it's safe to use our imagination here as to what should happen to Daniel. The lions would eat him, right? Of course, that's not how the story ended. Our amazing God sent His angel to shut the mouths of the lions and Daniel survived. The king had spent the entire night worrying and rushed to the den in the morning to see if Daniel's God had saved him.
This is a great story about God's faithfulness and I love to read about it. However, in my study, the author stated that Daniel spent the night in peace and in the arms of an angel. The problem with this is that the Bible does not say that he spent the night in peace. It does tell us that the king spent the night worrying, but mentions nothing about how Daniel spent the night other than that he was in with the lions.
I had to ask myself if it was worth thinking it through and does it matter if we assume that Daniel spent his time with the lions in perfect peace. I don't want to be over-thinking or judgmental, but I do think that this is a point worth debating and here is why. When we assume things like this we are setting some up for feeling like failures. I have seen this happen in my lifetime and have even experienced it myself. We (Christians) make assumptions like this and picture (for example) Daniel being so Godly that he spent the night peacefully sleeping while an angle held him securely and then it goes to feeling guilty and ashamed that we can't be so "holy". Satan finds his way in and tells us lies that we are worthless because we certainly don't have the faith that those Biblical saints had so we surely can't be usable by such a holy God. I have had someone say to me recently "I am struggling so bad, why am I such a sinner?" You see, when we don't show our struggles (or that of the Biblical characters) then we make others feel like they aren't worthy of God.
Did Daniel spent the night with the lions happy and peaceful? Did he spend it cowering in the corner? Did he spend it partying with the lions and having pizza as shown in VeggieTales? We don't know. I bet he spent it in prayer. I am guessing that he didn't really get much sleep. But I don't know. So I can't assume and teach with certainty either way. I know that he was human so at the very least, he was probably at least scared. Why are we as Christians so afraid to show others the human side? Why do we have to pretend that we are so perfect? The only One that is perfect is our God and we need to be pointing people to Him rather than ourselves. We can't make ourselves feel good and others feel bad. We all fail. We all sin. But we have an amazing God that covers all our sins. Praise Him for that!! But please don't try to make the Bible say things that it does not say.
I saw a post on Facebook (I apologize, I went back and tried to find it to add to this post, but I've lost it) about things that were believed to be in the Bible but were not. The problem with this post is that most of what they were saying was wrong. A great example of this is the fact that the post claimed that the Bible never mentions hell. Ummm... really?? I don't even know where they get that! There were other things in there that were just totally wrong or misrepresentations and word-twisting but that was the biggest example. This is a very dangerous and irresponsible way of handling God's Word.
Also, I was doing my Bible study this morning and came across something similar. I was reading about Daniel, if you spent any time in Sunday School, you know all about Daniel and the lion's den. In chapter 6 of the book of Daniel it tells us that because of an order that the king was tricked into signing into law, he had to place Daniel in a den of lions. Now it's safe to use our imagination here as to what should happen to Daniel. The lions would eat him, right? Of course, that's not how the story ended. Our amazing God sent His angel to shut the mouths of the lions and Daniel survived. The king had spent the entire night worrying and rushed to the den in the morning to see if Daniel's God had saved him.
This is a great story about God's faithfulness and I love to read about it. However, in my study, the author stated that Daniel spent the night in peace and in the arms of an angel. The problem with this is that the Bible does not say that he spent the night in peace. It does tell us that the king spent the night worrying, but mentions nothing about how Daniel spent the night other than that he was in with the lions.
I had to ask myself if it was worth thinking it through and does it matter if we assume that Daniel spent his time with the lions in perfect peace. I don't want to be over-thinking or judgmental, but I do think that this is a point worth debating and here is why. When we assume things like this we are setting some up for feeling like failures. I have seen this happen in my lifetime and have even experienced it myself. We (Christians) make assumptions like this and picture (for example) Daniel being so Godly that he spent the night peacefully sleeping while an angle held him securely and then it goes to feeling guilty and ashamed that we can't be so "holy". Satan finds his way in and tells us lies that we are worthless because we certainly don't have the faith that those Biblical saints had so we surely can't be usable by such a holy God. I have had someone say to me recently "I am struggling so bad, why am I such a sinner?" You see, when we don't show our struggles (or that of the Biblical characters) then we make others feel like they aren't worthy of God.
Did Daniel spent the night with the lions happy and peaceful? Did he spend it cowering in the corner? Did he spend it partying with the lions and having pizza as shown in VeggieTales? We don't know. I bet he spent it in prayer. I am guessing that he didn't really get much sleep. But I don't know. So I can't assume and teach with certainty either way. I know that he was human so at the very least, he was probably at least scared. Why are we as Christians so afraid to show others the human side? Why do we have to pretend that we are so perfect? The only One that is perfect is our God and we need to be pointing people to Him rather than ourselves. We can't make ourselves feel good and others feel bad. We all fail. We all sin. But we have an amazing God that covers all our sins. Praise Him for that!! But please don't try to make the Bible say things that it does not say.
Wednesday, January 31, 2018
A New Life
Twenty-one years and nine months ago I was a young, free spirit. I could attempt to make that sound like a beautiful thing, but a better way of describing me would be dumb, selfish and irresponsible. I made a lot of mistakes. I lived for myself and didn't think too much about anything outside of my own little bubble and what I had going on at the moment.
I was 22 years old and while my family loved me, I'm sure that I was quite a disappointment to them in many of my lifestyle choices. Some have told me that they were certain that I would never grow up and take responsibility for my life. I really didn't care. I considered myself responsible and thought that I had it all together because I had a job and my own place and took care of myself. Then something happened to show me just how little grown up I actually was.
Somewhere around late May, early June of that year, 1996, I found out that I was pregnant. My world was going to change. My selfish days were over. My partying days were over. I was just going to be a mommy, and I was perfectly ok with that. I was later told by some family members that they were sure that I would not even so much as be able to wake up with the baby for the late night feedings. Had I not changed, they may have been right.
But I did change. I wasn't yet a Christian, but I can look back and be one hundred percent positive that God used that little baby to completely change my world. It feels like just yesterday that I was leaving my aunts house that night to go to the hospital, prepared for a long night of labor, although I had no clue what that meant or the pain that I would suffer bringing my precious baby boy into the world. I can still see his precious little newborn face staring up at me; so handsome, so frail, so wonderful.
This little man of mine taught me how to love. He taught me how to care for others and how I needed to care for myself so that I could be there for him He was the first to teach me about unconditional love. He was the first to show me an unbreakable bond. We spent a lot of time in your first year with just you and me. No one else around and just growing together as new mother and son. You will always hold a special part of my heart because you taught me how to be a mom. Because of you, God allowed me to have a new life.
We have had many ups and downs in the last twenty-one years, but through it all, you have grown to be an amazing young man. So talented, so caring and thoughtful, such a wonderful, beautiful soul. I am so proud of my baby boy. Though you will always be my baby boy, your time as a child is over. You are starting your own life and have already done so much better than I did when I was your age. I am proud to be your mom. I love you so much more than you'll ever even know. But I hope that you always know that no matter where you go in life, I will always love you more than anything. I will always be here for you. I will always have your back.
I love you so much baby boy. I hope you have an amazing birthday!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!
I was 22 years old and while my family loved me, I'm sure that I was quite a disappointment to them in many of my lifestyle choices. Some have told me that they were certain that I would never grow up and take responsibility for my life. I really didn't care. I considered myself responsible and thought that I had it all together because I had a job and my own place and took care of myself. Then something happened to show me just how little grown up I actually was.
Somewhere around late May, early June of that year, 1996, I found out that I was pregnant. My world was going to change. My selfish days were over. My partying days were over. I was just going to be a mommy, and I was perfectly ok with that. I was later told by some family members that they were sure that I would not even so much as be able to wake up with the baby for the late night feedings. Had I not changed, they may have been right.
But I did change. I wasn't yet a Christian, but I can look back and be one hundred percent positive that God used that little baby to completely change my world. It feels like just yesterday that I was leaving my aunts house that night to go to the hospital, prepared for a long night of labor, although I had no clue what that meant or the pain that I would suffer bringing my precious baby boy into the world. I can still see his precious little newborn face staring up at me; so handsome, so frail, so wonderful.
This little man of mine taught me how to love. He taught me how to care for others and how I needed to care for myself so that I could be there for him He was the first to teach me about unconditional love. He was the first to show me an unbreakable bond. We spent a lot of time in your first year with just you and me. No one else around and just growing together as new mother and son. You will always hold a special part of my heart because you taught me how to be a mom. Because of you, God allowed me to have a new life.
We have had many ups and downs in the last twenty-one years, but through it all, you have grown to be an amazing young man. So talented, so caring and thoughtful, such a wonderful, beautiful soul. I am so proud of my baby boy. Though you will always be my baby boy, your time as a child is over. You are starting your own life and have already done so much better than I did when I was your age. I am proud to be your mom. I love you so much more than you'll ever even know. But I hope that you always know that no matter where you go in life, I will always love you more than anything. I will always be here for you. I will always have your back.
I love you so much baby boy. I hope you have an amazing birthday!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!
Thursday, January 25, 2018
My Dad's Last Days
Four years ago today I was at our church preparing for another busy Upward (basketball) Saturday. Snow was coming down in buckets and while the picture outside the window was beautiful, it proved to be very dangerous for driving. Because of that, Upward was cancelled for the day. Being the ones in charge of getting the church prepared for the day, my family and I were already at the church when the decision was made to cancel so we decided to close everything back up and make the trek home.
I remember thinking that it may be a peaceful, quiet day because we couldn't go anywhere thanks to the weather. I was happy for the change in pace and looked forward to getting caught up on things at home and playing games with my kids. As we know too well, it only takes one second for a persons whole life to change. That second happened on this Saturday for me.
My dad, who lived in my hometown which was three hours away from where I live had been in Hospice care for about three years. He had been up and down health-wise. There had been many times when I would get the call to hurry down to be at his side, so I was used to that at this point. But when this call came in, I knew it would be the last. Hospice had agreed. It was time to call the family in. My dad's health had declined and he had not been alert. He had been moved a few days before from the Hospice inpatient house to a local nursing home. The nurse, an old family friend, knew that his time was now very short.
I spent that Saturday feeling heart-broken and stuck. My dad was on his deathbed and could breathe his last breath at any moment and I was stuck in central Ohio. There was absolutely no way to make the trip to southern Ohio to be by his side. There was nothing that I could do. Nothing, but to pray. I cried many tears that day and prayed that God would let him hold on just until I could get there.
The weather broke throughout the day and praise God, the next morning I was able to make the trip to be by my daddy's side. Walking into my dad's room I felt so peaceful. His body was there, but it did not take long to realize that, while he was still breathing, his soul had already begun departing.
Dad slept, of course. Though he would "wake up" periodically, he really wasn't awake. It was just a matter of time, as his body had already begun the process of shutting down. While this was a sad thing for my family and me, it was joyous for him. We could even see it in his face. His body lay in that bed, but his mind, we could tell, was seeing Jesus.
I spent two nights in that little room with so many questions racing through my mind. During those two days, I also enjoyed precious time with some family and family friends that I hadn't seen in a long time. It was so good to spend time with them, I still to this day cherish that time. I remember talking with my husband, who was still at our home asking what I should do. We still had things that needed done at home, kids to get through school. We knew that his time was short, but it could have been minutes or a week. I didn't know if I should go home, get things organized, get more clothes and come back, or if I should stay. My husband, being his typical wonderful self, assured me that I needed to be there and that things would be ok at home. So I went to Walmart to buy some clean clothes to wear and decided to stay.
That next morning, Wednesday, my husband called and asked if I wanted him to come down. I told him that it was up to him. He said that he felt like he should be there to hold my hand, as I held my dad's hand. He gave all our kids the option to go and my daughter chose to come along as well. She would text me to update the progress of the trip. About the time that I knew they were almost there, we started to notice some differences in how my dad was. We were watching, but trying to stay calm as well. Some guests had just left and I sat down in the chair at the foot of my dad's bed. I was in college and wanted to try and get some of my work done. Almost as soon as I opened up my coursework, something started happening. My dad started shaking, almost as if he was having some sort of a seizure.
The shaking did not last too awful long and dad's body relaxed. Somehow, we all knew that the time we had been dreading for years had finally come. Just at that moment, my husband and daughter walked in the room. It was as if he was holding on for them to get there. I watched as hid chest would rise and fall; each breath a little more different and further apart. Someone had told me that when it got to this point we should count between breathes, so I did. 5... 10... 20... The nothing.
I will never forget my dad's last breath. I have never felt so sad and relieved at the same time. I was heart-broken that my daddy was gone, but so happy for him because I knew he was now in Heaven. I knew that the second he took that last breath he was in the arms of Jesus. He was vising with his mom and dad, his brother. He was no longer in pain. He was no longer sad. He was no longer worried. He was nothing but peaceful and happy. To this day, that understanding helps me deal with the pain and sadness of his departure.
Even though I will always have that peace, I will also always miss my daddy. I spent way too many years upset with him and not talking to him. I can never get those years back. But I know that at the end, we had a great relationship. I praise God that I got to hold his hand as he entered eternity. I know that he wanted me there.
Until I join you, I love you and miss you daddy.
Larry Bussa
1/1/47 - 1/29/14
I remember thinking that it may be a peaceful, quiet day because we couldn't go anywhere thanks to the weather. I was happy for the change in pace and looked forward to getting caught up on things at home and playing games with my kids. As we know too well, it only takes one second for a persons whole life to change. That second happened on this Saturday for me.
My dad, who lived in my hometown which was three hours away from where I live had been in Hospice care for about three years. He had been up and down health-wise. There had been many times when I would get the call to hurry down to be at his side, so I was used to that at this point. But when this call came in, I knew it would be the last. Hospice had agreed. It was time to call the family in. My dad's health had declined and he had not been alert. He had been moved a few days before from the Hospice inpatient house to a local nursing home. The nurse, an old family friend, knew that his time was now very short.
I spent that Saturday feeling heart-broken and stuck. My dad was on his deathbed and could breathe his last breath at any moment and I was stuck in central Ohio. There was absolutely no way to make the trip to southern Ohio to be by his side. There was nothing that I could do. Nothing, but to pray. I cried many tears that day and prayed that God would let him hold on just until I could get there.
The weather broke throughout the day and praise God, the next morning I was able to make the trip to be by my daddy's side. Walking into my dad's room I felt so peaceful. His body was there, but it did not take long to realize that, while he was still breathing, his soul had already begun departing.
Dad slept, of course. Though he would "wake up" periodically, he really wasn't awake. It was just a matter of time, as his body had already begun the process of shutting down. While this was a sad thing for my family and me, it was joyous for him. We could even see it in his face. His body lay in that bed, but his mind, we could tell, was seeing Jesus.
I spent two nights in that little room with so many questions racing through my mind. During those two days, I also enjoyed precious time with some family and family friends that I hadn't seen in a long time. It was so good to spend time with them, I still to this day cherish that time. I remember talking with my husband, who was still at our home asking what I should do. We still had things that needed done at home, kids to get through school. We knew that his time was short, but it could have been minutes or a week. I didn't know if I should go home, get things organized, get more clothes and come back, or if I should stay. My husband, being his typical wonderful self, assured me that I needed to be there and that things would be ok at home. So I went to Walmart to buy some clean clothes to wear and decided to stay.
That next morning, Wednesday, my husband called and asked if I wanted him to come down. I told him that it was up to him. He said that he felt like he should be there to hold my hand, as I held my dad's hand. He gave all our kids the option to go and my daughter chose to come along as well. She would text me to update the progress of the trip. About the time that I knew they were almost there, we started to notice some differences in how my dad was. We were watching, but trying to stay calm as well. Some guests had just left and I sat down in the chair at the foot of my dad's bed. I was in college and wanted to try and get some of my work done. Almost as soon as I opened up my coursework, something started happening. My dad started shaking, almost as if he was having some sort of a seizure.
The shaking did not last too awful long and dad's body relaxed. Somehow, we all knew that the time we had been dreading for years had finally come. Just at that moment, my husband and daughter walked in the room. It was as if he was holding on for them to get there. I watched as hid chest would rise and fall; each breath a little more different and further apart. Someone had told me that when it got to this point we should count between breathes, so I did. 5... 10... 20... The nothing.
I will never forget my dad's last breath. I have never felt so sad and relieved at the same time. I was heart-broken that my daddy was gone, but so happy for him because I knew he was now in Heaven. I knew that the second he took that last breath he was in the arms of Jesus. He was vising with his mom and dad, his brother. He was no longer in pain. He was no longer sad. He was no longer worried. He was nothing but peaceful and happy. To this day, that understanding helps me deal with the pain and sadness of his departure.
Even though I will always have that peace, I will also always miss my daddy. I spent way too many years upset with him and not talking to him. I can never get those years back. But I know that at the end, we had a great relationship. I praise God that I got to hold his hand as he entered eternity. I know that he wanted me there.
Until I join you, I love you and miss you daddy.
Larry Bussa
1/1/47 - 1/29/14
Thursday, January 4, 2018
Stand for the Kids
I have heard recently about bullying that is happening at our local schools. My message here is short and simple. This is NOT acceptable. It is the responsibility of the ENTIRE community to put a stop to this as soon as possible. Bullying is a problem within the community so the people of said community need to step up and deal with the problem together.
First my message is to the bully and the parents of said bully. The chances are, you are bullying someone else because you are hurt or struggling with something yourself. Please don't take it out on others. There is help, seek it and find ways to love yourself and others. For the parents, please understand that your precious little angels are human; they make mistakes, they are not perfect. Call them out on their downfalls. You are not helping them by allowing them to be thugs.
To the parents of the kids that are being bullied; continue to love, support and listen to your children. They are hurting. They probably will try to hide their feelings as they believe the lies instead of the truth about who they really are. The best things that you can do for them is love them and do your best to keep the lines of communication open. Check their phones and social media accounts. Yes, kids should have privacy, but this is where these problems exist and it is vital to be aware.
Friends of the kids being picked on, please stand up for them. Yes, you will probably be picked on as well, but isn't your friend worth it? Once everyone stands together, the problems stop. Listen to your friends, show them you love them, and show the bullies that you will not allow your friends to be picked on. Show them that you will be their strength when they cannot carry themselves. One day, you will need them to carry you.
Teachers and school officials, I realize that you are busy, but this MUST be in the forefront. Kids are DYING from this epidemic! Children are telling each other to kill themselves and they are listening. Nothing can be more important than this; lives are at stake! Use your education and your skills and find ways to listen to these kids. Watch as you go throughout the day and see which kids are all the sudden sitting by themselves or acting out of character. Parents are trusting you with their most precious possessions, it is not just a job that you hold, it is life! Please don't let the parents down.
Finally, for the community, whether you have kids in a particular school or not, this is your problem. Take a stand. Reach out to parents that you see struggling. Reach out to kids that you know. We have become a society that stays in our own little bubbles and no longer accepts other people. Be friendly. Be helpful. Be aware. It just might make us all a little more happy.
First my message is to the bully and the parents of said bully. The chances are, you are bullying someone else because you are hurt or struggling with something yourself. Please don't take it out on others. There is help, seek it and find ways to love yourself and others. For the parents, please understand that your precious little angels are human; they make mistakes, they are not perfect. Call them out on their downfalls. You are not helping them by allowing them to be thugs.
To the parents of the kids that are being bullied; continue to love, support and listen to your children. They are hurting. They probably will try to hide their feelings as they believe the lies instead of the truth about who they really are. The best things that you can do for them is love them and do your best to keep the lines of communication open. Check their phones and social media accounts. Yes, kids should have privacy, but this is where these problems exist and it is vital to be aware.
Friends of the kids being picked on, please stand up for them. Yes, you will probably be picked on as well, but isn't your friend worth it? Once everyone stands together, the problems stop. Listen to your friends, show them you love them, and show the bullies that you will not allow your friends to be picked on. Show them that you will be their strength when they cannot carry themselves. One day, you will need them to carry you.
Teachers and school officials, I realize that you are busy, but this MUST be in the forefront. Kids are DYING from this epidemic! Children are telling each other to kill themselves and they are listening. Nothing can be more important than this; lives are at stake! Use your education and your skills and find ways to listen to these kids. Watch as you go throughout the day and see which kids are all the sudden sitting by themselves or acting out of character. Parents are trusting you with their most precious possessions, it is not just a job that you hold, it is life! Please don't let the parents down.
Finally, for the community, whether you have kids in a particular school or not, this is your problem. Take a stand. Reach out to parents that you see struggling. Reach out to kids that you know. We have become a society that stays in our own little bubbles and no longer accepts other people. Be friendly. Be helpful. Be aware. It just might make us all a little more happy.
Wednesday, January 3, 2018
New Year Statements
"New year, new you!"
"Hoping 2018 is better than 2017"
"Here's to a new year, let's make it better than the last!"
We all hear them every year (or see them on social media). They begin around mid-December and end at the beginning of January. The message is always the same no matter how it is worded, the previous year was bad, hopefully the upcoming year will be better. If you wouldn't mind giving me a few minutes of your precious time, maybe I could give you a fresh outlook on this old as time saying.
There is a hint to what I am trying to get at in the last statement that I listed at the beginning. "Here's to a new year, let's make it better than the last!" Making it better is exactly what will make it better. A year, a week, a minute, any point of time is going to be accompanied by good and bad. It all lies in what you make of it.
Let's use this scenario as an example, let's say I walk into a room and there are ten people in this room. Four of the people in this room are my best friends, three of them are people I do not like and the remaining three are people that I have never met. I have a choice as to where to keep my focus. Do I enjoy the time with my best friends, spend my time in this room in bitterness because of the people that I do not like, or allow myself to feel displaced because I do not know three of the people? There are other possibilities as well (like meeting the new people, or finding ways to like the ones that I do not like) but for this example, I would like to stick with these three options.
Most people would consider this scenario and say that they would obviously enjoy the time with their best friends. However, that is not the outlook that most of us have when it comes to other things. It is the same as the old "glass is half full" saying. A room has our best friends in it, we will choice to enjoy ourselves and our time with our friends. However, a year is full of friends as well. Sure there are people that we don't like that we have to deal with, as well as people that we don't know. A year (or any amount of time, but since we are discussing the new year statements, I'll stick with that span of time for now) is full of hardships, but it is also full of good times.
The answer to this age-old sentiment is in the perspective of the one who asks it. How do you make the new year better than the last? By focusing on the good. Work through your hard times, allow them to help you grow, then move on and find some good in it. There is always good to be found in any situation; sometimes it just takes a little work to find it. However, once you have learned this trick, you will have found the key to peace and happiness.
Instead of considering the bad from the year 2017, look back and ponder on the good things that came from the year. If you must look at the bad things, consider how you can learn from them so that they won't cause you any more harm. I know that this is much easier said than done, but the peace that it brings is very much worth the effort that it will take.
I have lived a life of hardship and at one time in my life was a very bitter person. I know very personally how hard this is, but I know how wonderful it is in the end as well.
Life is full of hard times and bad things. But focusing on that bad makes life even worse. Focus on the good. Let the light outshine the darkness. Spend the entire year doing that and see if your words might be different next December 31st.
"Hoping 2018 is better than 2017"
"Here's to a new year, let's make it better than the last!"
We all hear them every year (or see them on social media). They begin around mid-December and end at the beginning of January. The message is always the same no matter how it is worded, the previous year was bad, hopefully the upcoming year will be better. If you wouldn't mind giving me a few minutes of your precious time, maybe I could give you a fresh outlook on this old as time saying.
There is a hint to what I am trying to get at in the last statement that I listed at the beginning. "Here's to a new year, let's make it better than the last!" Making it better is exactly what will make it better. A year, a week, a minute, any point of time is going to be accompanied by good and bad. It all lies in what you make of it.
Let's use this scenario as an example, let's say I walk into a room and there are ten people in this room. Four of the people in this room are my best friends, three of them are people I do not like and the remaining three are people that I have never met. I have a choice as to where to keep my focus. Do I enjoy the time with my best friends, spend my time in this room in bitterness because of the people that I do not like, or allow myself to feel displaced because I do not know three of the people? There are other possibilities as well (like meeting the new people, or finding ways to like the ones that I do not like) but for this example, I would like to stick with these three options.
Most people would consider this scenario and say that they would obviously enjoy the time with their best friends. However, that is not the outlook that most of us have when it comes to other things. It is the same as the old "glass is half full" saying. A room has our best friends in it, we will choice to enjoy ourselves and our time with our friends. However, a year is full of friends as well. Sure there are people that we don't like that we have to deal with, as well as people that we don't know. A year (or any amount of time, but since we are discussing the new year statements, I'll stick with that span of time for now) is full of hardships, but it is also full of good times.
The answer to this age-old sentiment is in the perspective of the one who asks it. How do you make the new year better than the last? By focusing on the good. Work through your hard times, allow them to help you grow, then move on and find some good in it. There is always good to be found in any situation; sometimes it just takes a little work to find it. However, once you have learned this trick, you will have found the key to peace and happiness.
Instead of considering the bad from the year 2017, look back and ponder on the good things that came from the year. If you must look at the bad things, consider how you can learn from them so that they won't cause you any more harm. I know that this is much easier said than done, but the peace that it brings is very much worth the effort that it will take.
I have lived a life of hardship and at one time in my life was a very bitter person. I know very personally how hard this is, but I know how wonderful it is in the end as well.
Life is full of hard times and bad things. But focusing on that bad makes life even worse. Focus on the good. Let the light outshine the darkness. Spend the entire year doing that and see if your words might be different next December 31st.
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