When describing children, "step" is not a word that I like to use. It is the word that our society has chosen to describe a child who belong to your spouse but not you. Personally, I do not think that this is a fair term. I think that using the term step makes the person, whether it be the step-child or the step-parent seem like they are less than. I think that it is important that we stop drawing these lines and making people, children and parents alike, feel less than.
When it comes to these "step" situations, I have been on all sides. I have had step-parents which obviously also makes me a step-child. I also married a man who had kids from a previous marriage making me a step-mom, and my husband became "step" dad (and eventually adoptive dad) to my son. There is not one side of this situation that I have not personally been on and I can tell you with complete honesty that drawing these lines and making anyone feel less than or different is wrong.
As a child, whenever I was called the step-daughter I would cringe. I knew that I was not good enough and that I could not compare to my step-mom's daughter. I was just the baggage that came along with my step-mom's new husband. Somehow, we all knew that there was some weird imaginary line that divided us all with-in our home. We could never be a family because my brother and I were never looked on as true members of the family rather than that annoying kids that had no other choice but to be there.
I remember when I married my husband a family member asked me "Are you sure that you want to do this?" She wasn't asking if I wanted to marry this man, but if I was positive that I wanted to get involved in a step-parent situation because she knew how bad it could be. I told her I absolutely was sure that I wanted to. I was excited that not only was I getting a husband but that I was inheriting two daughters as well. I never wanted to take anything away from their mom, but I was happy to call them my daughters and excited for our new family. For me, the division line was never there because I knew how painful that invisible line could be. My husband did the same for my son. From the second we met, my husband was daddy to my son. We never considered him step-dad, in fact this is the first time (nineteen years later) that term has ever been used to explain their relationship. He was daddy and as soon as we could afford it, we made that legal. We had what people would call a miss-matched family to begin with but it was our intention to blend us all into a beautiful family; his, mine and ours all together. That was the cry of my heart then and it still is today.
Being a step-parent has also had it's affect on me. There have been times when I have felt like I did not belong in my own home or even with my own husband because I was only the "step" parent. I was less than. Obviously, part of this is because of my upbringing and my unhealthy self-image and struggles with my own worthiness. However, it was also in part because those lines have been drawn and the typical "step" situation is one that causes division.
I have never understood why when people get married, all other family members become immediate family; cousins, aunts, uncles, nieces and nephews, but kids; for some reason they have to have a separate title. No one needs to feel accepted more than those kids. They have already had their lives ripped apart by the parents separating. They are confused by mommy or daddy being with someone else. Maybe there's even other kids joining their families and sharing their living spaces with. Everything in their lives is confusing and hurtful. Why would we not just love on these kids and take the chance to tell and show them how special they are instead of simply calling them the "steps".
I should explain that I do understand the other side of this as well. I am a mother and I know the fear and resentment of having to share your child with someone that you are not with. However, it is not the child's fault, neither is it the fault of the new spouse. If your ex has a new mate and he or she is a good person then let them be a part of your children's lives. It can only be good if a child has many people that love them. You cannot stop them from spending time with the kids, so why try and make it miserable?
Additionally, if you marry someone that has kids, then you are a new parent; period. You have new children, not dirty rotten step kids. Love them like your own. Treat them like your own. You will be filled with joy that children bring. Yes, there will be problems, any relationship has that, but it will all be worth it in the end.
I think it is important that we as a society stop drawing these lines. Parents need to work together for the good of their kids, even if they no longer like each other. Stop thinking of yourselves and think of your kids and their happiness. Please stop making your kids and the new parents feel like they are not worthy. It is causing nothing but hurt and destruction. Truly, in this circumstance, love is all we need.
Friday, November 25, 2016
Friday, November 18, 2016
Being Prepared... But Wait, There's More
In my Examen (Pretty cool Devotional Site!) today I read an old familiar verse. I have read this passage of Scripture countless times but I noticed a little more today. Don't you love how the Word of God is so alive that it brings fresh hope every time you read it! God is so good He is constantly amazing me!
The verse that I am referring to is 1 Peter 3:15 which says "Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have." (New International Version). Now this verse is pretty simple, right? We as Christians should always be ready to tell people about Jesus. He is our Hope, our Rock, our Salvation, our Everything. We are living in a lost world that is desperate for us to shine His light and tell them how amazing He is.
What does this look like? Does this mean that we have to stand on every street corner and scream the name of Jesus? Well occasionally maybe but no, this is not what this means at all. God is telling us that as we go about our day, we need to be ready to talk about Him at any moment. For example, maybe you are at the grocery store and you notice a woman crying. Go to her and pray with her; tell her that Jesus loves her. There may be an old lady that cannot pay for the milk she is trying to buy. Hand the cashier the money and tell her that God loves her. These could be simple things that gives an answer to the hope that lies within you. It could be simple things, or much more complicated. In any instance, be ready and be His light.
However, as I eluded to in the title of this blog post, there is more. It is funny to me that people can sometimes rattle off a verse from the Bible but not be able to tell you what it says before or after (myself included!). As always, God does not give us a command and leave us wondering how to follow through with the order. In 1 Peter 3:15b-16 God tells us, "But do this with gentleness and respect, 16 keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander." (New International Version).
I honestly believe that if more Christians would live the rest of the passage of Scripture out we would have a lot less problems in the world; especially current day America! We can't just yell "Turn or burn!!" It is just as important to show love and explain why the need for Jesus as it is to tell about Jesus. That is what the rest of this verse is saying. Speaking about God in love and respect not only tells people about Jesus, it also shows them. If we as Christians would follow this command properly, there would be a lot less people saying "I'll never go back to that church again, they are such hypocrites!" The lost world instead would see that we have a hope for a reason. That Jesus really is loving, merciful and kind. Imagine with me for a moment, how truly wonderful things would be if we showed Christ's love with our words and our actions. It is a beautiful image.
Which leads me to the final part of this verse. We are to do this so that we will have a clear conscience and anyone who speaks bad of us will have no real offense to speak of. They will be ashamed of their slandering ways because no fruit can come of it. Instead of the world making fools of the church, the ones who choose to slander will be made to look like fools. In essence, the good guys win out in the end! Nothing is better than that.
So you can see that in these two short verses God has provided for us a command, instructions on how to follow through as well as the reasoning for doing so. God does not leave us hanging. He always provides for his children. I love that so much and it gives me such comfort.
I probably should confess, in writing this I am not trying to point fingers at anyone; unless possibly myself. I am speaking to myself as much as anyone else. This is just what I have taken from my time with God today and thought I would share with anyone who might be interested. I hope you have been blessed by reading this. please feel free to comment or share. I love to start conversations and discuss these things. Have a wonderful day, my friends :)
The verse that I am referring to is 1 Peter 3:15 which says "Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have." (New International Version). Now this verse is pretty simple, right? We as Christians should always be ready to tell people about Jesus. He is our Hope, our Rock, our Salvation, our Everything. We are living in a lost world that is desperate for us to shine His light and tell them how amazing He is.
What does this look like? Does this mean that we have to stand on every street corner and scream the name of Jesus? Well occasionally maybe but no, this is not what this means at all. God is telling us that as we go about our day, we need to be ready to talk about Him at any moment. For example, maybe you are at the grocery store and you notice a woman crying. Go to her and pray with her; tell her that Jesus loves her. There may be an old lady that cannot pay for the milk she is trying to buy. Hand the cashier the money and tell her that God loves her. These could be simple things that gives an answer to the hope that lies within you. It could be simple things, or much more complicated. In any instance, be ready and be His light.
However, as I eluded to in the title of this blog post, there is more. It is funny to me that people can sometimes rattle off a verse from the Bible but not be able to tell you what it says before or after (myself included!). As always, God does not give us a command and leave us wondering how to follow through with the order. In 1 Peter 3:15b-16 God tells us, "But do this with gentleness and respect, 16 keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander." (New International Version).
I honestly believe that if more Christians would live the rest of the passage of Scripture out we would have a lot less problems in the world; especially current day America! We can't just yell "Turn or burn!!" It is just as important to show love and explain why the need for Jesus as it is to tell about Jesus. That is what the rest of this verse is saying. Speaking about God in love and respect not only tells people about Jesus, it also shows them. If we as Christians would follow this command properly, there would be a lot less people saying "I'll never go back to that church again, they are such hypocrites!" The lost world instead would see that we have a hope for a reason. That Jesus really is loving, merciful and kind. Imagine with me for a moment, how truly wonderful things would be if we showed Christ's love with our words and our actions. It is a beautiful image.
Which leads me to the final part of this verse. We are to do this so that we will have a clear conscience and anyone who speaks bad of us will have no real offense to speak of. They will be ashamed of their slandering ways because no fruit can come of it. Instead of the world making fools of the church, the ones who choose to slander will be made to look like fools. In essence, the good guys win out in the end! Nothing is better than that.
So you can see that in these two short verses God has provided for us a command, instructions on how to follow through as well as the reasoning for doing so. God does not leave us hanging. He always provides for his children. I love that so much and it gives me such comfort.
I probably should confess, in writing this I am not trying to point fingers at anyone; unless possibly myself. I am speaking to myself as much as anyone else. This is just what I have taken from my time with God today and thought I would share with anyone who might be interested. I hope you have been blessed by reading this. please feel free to comment or share. I love to start conversations and discuss these things. Have a wonderful day, my friends :)
Thursday, November 17, 2016
Stigmas Within the Church
I have been in the church scene my entire life. I have seen healthy churches, unhealthy churches, and even dead churches. I have been hurt terribly by church people and I have been loved my the people of the church. I have experienced it all. The joy and heartbreak can be overwhelming. I remember saying to my husband more than once, "I will never walk away from God but I am done with His people!" After years of struggling, I see how wrong that attitude was. God has given us people to help us through life. We are to assemble together, worship together, praise Him together and help one another. However there is one thing that is stopping this from happening for some people. Cliques and stigmas! I want to keep my focus right now on the stigma. There are just some things that people of the church will not allow to be deal with. This is very wrong. It is time that we as a church body stop choosing what is ok to talk about and what is not and just help each other deal with whatever is bothering us. We need to be there for each other in love and acceptance no matter what the issue, the very same way Jesus hung on the cross for every one of our sins.
There are many things that are acceptable in the church for people to discuss. For example, when someone is ready to divorce their spouse and God steps in to do a miraculous work saving the marriage the people rejoice. They should be rejoicing, this is a wonderful thing! But there are certain issues that the church will not touch as far as letting people know that they are willing to help them. Two things in particular that I am referring to is mental health issues and abortion.
For mental health issues, the church (I am speaking in general, there are healthy churches who are doing a wonderful job helping people.) tells its people that they just need to trust in God more. If someone was having a heart attack the pastor or leaders would never dream of saying "Just have more faith, read your Bible, pray more and you will be fine!" Of course they would call 911, escort the saint to the hospital, sit with the family and pray as the doctors did their work. However if that same person was having a mental breakdown, the church would tell them that they are not trusting in God enough. They honestly believe that since its a problem within the mind, the only help must be to have more faith.
What we need to see is that the brain is a part of the body just the same as the heart. Mental health issues as just as real as heart or lung issues and need dealt with professionally. We cannot just push a person aside telling them that they would be fine if they would just pray more. Mental health issues can be anything from chemical imbalances, hormonal issues, or many other things. We as a church need to show love and compassion. Additionally, we need to let them know that they can be comfortable coming to us with these problems. Talk about it often; bring it up and let the people know that it is common, it is a health issue and that it is ok. Stop making these people feel as if they as less than!
The second issue that I want to discuss is abortion. The church stands pretty firm on their belief on abortion. Generally, the people within the church will tell you that they are (at least mostly) pro-life and against abortion. But it can't stop there! I have seen people say (and share on social media) gruesome photos and shout "HOW COULD YOU KILL YOUR BABY?!" While it is true that abortion is killing a child, when these comments are being made it is not being considered how hurtful it is to the women who have already made this disastrous choice. Where are we for her? She is desperate for hope, yet no one is there. All she sees is judgement. The post-abortive woman knows that she is not welcome in the church to tell her story. How could she ever admit that she's done this horrible thing when the people constantly scream that she's a murderer! She finds no peace or forgiveness anywhere. So she remains in her silent prison. The sad part is, a lot of times she's already serving in the church, but she is keeping her secret because surely no one would ever love her or let her work in a ministry if they knew.
We as a church have to get past this. No one should ever be afraid to talk about their sins because we are all guilty. All sin is equally bad and all sin is equally covered by the precious blood of Jesus. Who are we to pick and chose what is acceptable and what is not? It's all unacceptable!! The only thing that makes any of us worthy is Jesus. We as a church must bring these things out into the forefront. We need to do whatever is necessary to make these people (and others!) welcome. We need to show them that we have open arms to love them and show them the way to forgiveness and healing. This is vital!
While I have much more that I could say on this topic, I will end with the Word of our amazing God in James 5:16 "Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working."
There are many things that are acceptable in the church for people to discuss. For example, when someone is ready to divorce their spouse and God steps in to do a miraculous work saving the marriage the people rejoice. They should be rejoicing, this is a wonderful thing! But there are certain issues that the church will not touch as far as letting people know that they are willing to help them. Two things in particular that I am referring to is mental health issues and abortion.
For mental health issues, the church (I am speaking in general, there are healthy churches who are doing a wonderful job helping people.) tells its people that they just need to trust in God more. If someone was having a heart attack the pastor or leaders would never dream of saying "Just have more faith, read your Bible, pray more and you will be fine!" Of course they would call 911, escort the saint to the hospital, sit with the family and pray as the doctors did their work. However if that same person was having a mental breakdown, the church would tell them that they are not trusting in God enough. They honestly believe that since its a problem within the mind, the only help must be to have more faith.
What we need to see is that the brain is a part of the body just the same as the heart. Mental health issues as just as real as heart or lung issues and need dealt with professionally. We cannot just push a person aside telling them that they would be fine if they would just pray more. Mental health issues can be anything from chemical imbalances, hormonal issues, or many other things. We as a church need to show love and compassion. Additionally, we need to let them know that they can be comfortable coming to us with these problems. Talk about it often; bring it up and let the people know that it is common, it is a health issue and that it is ok. Stop making these people feel as if they as less than!
The second issue that I want to discuss is abortion. The church stands pretty firm on their belief on abortion. Generally, the people within the church will tell you that they are (at least mostly) pro-life and against abortion. But it can't stop there! I have seen people say (and share on social media) gruesome photos and shout "HOW COULD YOU KILL YOUR BABY?!" While it is true that abortion is killing a child, when these comments are being made it is not being considered how hurtful it is to the women who have already made this disastrous choice. Where are we for her? She is desperate for hope, yet no one is there. All she sees is judgement. The post-abortive woman knows that she is not welcome in the church to tell her story. How could she ever admit that she's done this horrible thing when the people constantly scream that she's a murderer! She finds no peace or forgiveness anywhere. So she remains in her silent prison. The sad part is, a lot of times she's already serving in the church, but she is keeping her secret because surely no one would ever love her or let her work in a ministry if they knew.
We as a church have to get past this. No one should ever be afraid to talk about their sins because we are all guilty. All sin is equally bad and all sin is equally covered by the precious blood of Jesus. Who are we to pick and chose what is acceptable and what is not? It's all unacceptable!! The only thing that makes any of us worthy is Jesus. We as a church must bring these things out into the forefront. We need to do whatever is necessary to make these people (and others!) welcome. We need to show them that we have open arms to love them and show them the way to forgiveness and healing. This is vital!
While I have much more that I could say on this topic, I will end with the Word of our amazing God in James 5:16 "Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working."
Monday, August 29, 2016
Judging Others
My twelve year old daughter begged me to watch a movie with her last night; she had seen a part of this movie at a friends house and wanted to watch it again to see the whole thing. There wasn't a whole lot going on around here, so I went to the video store and rented the movie. Little did I know that this movie (which was a good movie, by the way) would have a part that would drive me insane and bring back many memories.
The movie was about a little girl who was sick and her mother's struggle to have faith in God during this hard time. The little girl reminded me of my daughter and every time she screamed in agony "mommy, it hurts!" I would picture that being my daughter and cry out imaging the pain that this little girl and her mother felt. However, that wasn't the part that made my head hurt.
This family attended church and at the beginning of the movie it was obvious that they loved God and enjoyed worshipping Him. When the mother was struggling, however, she went to church and was approached by some people from the church. These people had an opportunity to help a fellow believer; they could've asked her if they could pray with her, or even just hug her and remind her that God is still in control. They chose an evil route instead. They looked at this poor tortured soul and said one of the most hateful things I've ever heard. They said "What sin is in your life that God is allowing your daughter to be so sick? Is it your sin or your husband's sin? Could it be that your little girl has sin in her life that is causing this?" Cruel... just cruel!!! The mother left and swore she would never return to that church. She also began to lose faith at that moment.
The reason this burns me up so bad is because I've been to "that" church before. I've personally witnessed people struggling in life and being told that if they would just get their hearts right with God things would be all happy for them. I have been that person who has struggled and wondered how I could serve God better so that things would go well for me. Praise God I now know that this is just chains of bondage and that is not the way that God works.
For people to behave that way is nothing but judgmental and damaging. Who are these people to speak for God? Remember when Jesus said "Let he who without sin cast the first stone" and everyone dropped their rocks and walked away? Even if there were sin in this family's lives that needed to be dealt with, this is not the way to handle it! We are to speak the truth in love; show mercy and acceptance. When are we going to stop judging and start loving each other again?
This really makes me sad; no angry! You see, as I said I was that person struggling. There was a time in my life when I said "God, I will never leave you, but I am so done with Your people!" I am still struggling to find my place in the church. Let's be honest, there is not a lot of acceptance amongst His people right now. It is because of people like this. Attitudes that want to point fingers and judge instead of love and be a support. God did not put us together so that we could hurt each other or judge each other. He wants us to lift each other up.
How church, how are we ever going to show the world the love of God if we can't even love each other?
The movie was about a little girl who was sick and her mother's struggle to have faith in God during this hard time. The little girl reminded me of my daughter and every time she screamed in agony "mommy, it hurts!" I would picture that being my daughter and cry out imaging the pain that this little girl and her mother felt. However, that wasn't the part that made my head hurt.
This family attended church and at the beginning of the movie it was obvious that they loved God and enjoyed worshipping Him. When the mother was struggling, however, she went to church and was approached by some people from the church. These people had an opportunity to help a fellow believer; they could've asked her if they could pray with her, or even just hug her and remind her that God is still in control. They chose an evil route instead. They looked at this poor tortured soul and said one of the most hateful things I've ever heard. They said "What sin is in your life that God is allowing your daughter to be so sick? Is it your sin or your husband's sin? Could it be that your little girl has sin in her life that is causing this?" Cruel... just cruel!!! The mother left and swore she would never return to that church. She also began to lose faith at that moment.
The reason this burns me up so bad is because I've been to "that" church before. I've personally witnessed people struggling in life and being told that if they would just get their hearts right with God things would be all happy for them. I have been that person who has struggled and wondered how I could serve God better so that things would go well for me. Praise God I now know that this is just chains of bondage and that is not the way that God works.
For people to behave that way is nothing but judgmental and damaging. Who are these people to speak for God? Remember when Jesus said "Let he who without sin cast the first stone" and everyone dropped their rocks and walked away? Even if there were sin in this family's lives that needed to be dealt with, this is not the way to handle it! We are to speak the truth in love; show mercy and acceptance. When are we going to stop judging and start loving each other again?
This really makes me sad; no angry! You see, as I said I was that person struggling. There was a time in my life when I said "God, I will never leave you, but I am so done with Your people!" I am still struggling to find my place in the church. Let's be honest, there is not a lot of acceptance amongst His people right now. It is because of people like this. Attitudes that want to point fingers and judge instead of love and be a support. God did not put us together so that we could hurt each other or judge each other. He wants us to lift each other up.
How church, how are we ever going to show the world the love of God if we can't even love each other?
Monday, June 13, 2016
DIversity or Division?
You only have to listen in society for seconds before someone mentions the importance of diversity. "Love us, don't judge us!!" is the cry of so many people in so many different walks of life. I agree that this is very important. My entire life I have strongly believed that people are people regardless of their skin color, their desires, their bank account or whatever else someone might be judged by. However, the problem has become that unless you are in the right politically correct group, you are thrown under the bus and judged yourself. A lot of these same people who are crying to be accepted will (with much hate) judge others for their beliefs.
There has to be complete unity. Christians and non-believers. Gay and straight. Democrat and Republican. So many others, but you get the idea. We all need to start accepting each other for who they are and let each person deal with their own faults. We all are human, we all make mistakes, we all sin, and none of us are God so we have no power to judge anyone.
I understand that people have been bad in the past. There have been (and still are) some terrible people who claim to be Christian. There have been bad cops. There were white people who owned slaves. There are black people who commit crimes. But there are also Christians who love and show God's light. There are hero cops who save lives. There were white people who helped free slaves. There are black people who are wonderful people. We have to stop generalizing and accept individuals.
We Americans have some very real enemies and they are using these issues of diversity to create division. Currently, our enemies are winning this battle. We have allowed them to create wedges between all Americans as we fight these individual battles of hatred towards one another. How many American lives will it take before we stop fighting and begin to stand together? We are falling but we are still the UNITED states of America. Our enemy knew that they needed to divide us to win and we allowed them to do so. But we have not lost yet. We have to stand together and not allow any more division. Our media will not join us on this. They have decided to report biased which means we can no longer trust them. My fellow Americans, we must stand together and fight this urge to be accepting only to certain groups. We need to see only red, white and blue. Americans stand together against our enemies.
I think we need to start saying WHO CARES if your white or black, gay or straight, all the other separations. Yes, I am a Christian and I have white skin. I have family members and friends who are not Christian. Family and friends who have darker skin. Family and friends who are gay. I don't see these things when I look at others. I see them for who they are. I will never understand how someone can look at another person and base who they are on the color of their skin or the choices that they make. Yes, we all have our heritage and need to know that, but that also does not define who you are.
Fellow Americans, we are all different but let's not allow our enemies to use diversity to divide us. Please, I am begging you. Let us stand together.
There has to be complete unity. Christians and non-believers. Gay and straight. Democrat and Republican. So many others, but you get the idea. We all need to start accepting each other for who they are and let each person deal with their own faults. We all are human, we all make mistakes, we all sin, and none of us are God so we have no power to judge anyone.
I understand that people have been bad in the past. There have been (and still are) some terrible people who claim to be Christian. There have been bad cops. There were white people who owned slaves. There are black people who commit crimes. But there are also Christians who love and show God's light. There are hero cops who save lives. There were white people who helped free slaves. There are black people who are wonderful people. We have to stop generalizing and accept individuals.
We Americans have some very real enemies and they are using these issues of diversity to create division. Currently, our enemies are winning this battle. We have allowed them to create wedges between all Americans as we fight these individual battles of hatred towards one another. How many American lives will it take before we stop fighting and begin to stand together? We are falling but we are still the UNITED states of America. Our enemy knew that they needed to divide us to win and we allowed them to do so. But we have not lost yet. We have to stand together and not allow any more division. Our media will not join us on this. They have decided to report biased which means we can no longer trust them. My fellow Americans, we must stand together and fight this urge to be accepting only to certain groups. We need to see only red, white and blue. Americans stand together against our enemies.
I think we need to start saying WHO CARES if your white or black, gay or straight, all the other separations. Yes, I am a Christian and I have white skin. I have family members and friends who are not Christian. Family and friends who have darker skin. Family and friends who are gay. I don't see these things when I look at others. I see them for who they are. I will never understand how someone can look at another person and base who they are on the color of their skin or the choices that they make. Yes, we all have our heritage and need to know that, but that also does not define who you are.
Fellow Americans, we are all different but let's not allow our enemies to use diversity to divide us. Please, I am begging you. Let us stand together.
Tuesday, May 10, 2016
No Longer USA
My entire life I have been proud to be an American. I have always loved my country. The beauty and majesty of our land, the pride that comes with being a citizen, and our freedom. Here in America we have so much that other places do not have and all of that came with a heavy price. Many have died or bravely stood to face many dangers to ensure that we would continue to have this wonderful freedom in our homeland.
However, while seeing an article the other day, I have realized that sadly, we are no longer able to call ourselves USA. That name stands for UNITED States of America. It breaks my heart but this country is no longer united. It has been said by many that we would be destroyed from the inside and this for sure has happened.
The article that I was looking at (and to be honest I couldn't even read it all, it just makes me so sad!) was that my home state, Ohio, is attempting to ban all travel to North Carolina because they have bravely decided that they do not want to allow men into women's bathrooms. Ban travel to an entire state just because you don't agree with it? The people who applaud this, by the way, are the very same people who threw a fit when a Christian baker refused to bake a cake for a gay couple and forced them to either do so in the name of acceptance or lose their business. Am I the only one who sees this as extremely hypocritical?!?
Those who know me know which side I stand on with these issues, but that is not the point. The sad truth is that people who hate our country and everything that we stand for are using these little issues to divide us and they are winning that fight! While we Americans fight with each other about skin color and sexual orientation, those who hate us are sitting back laughing at us and patting themselves on the back for successfully stirring the pot.
My fellow Americans, I beg you to forget the issues and realize that they are just pawns in our enemies game! United we stand but what happens when we're divided? We fall. We are falling. I don't want to watch our country fall. It makes me scared for our kids to think of what will happen when we fall. I'm not sure I would be able to continue my fear if it were not for my faith in God. People please realize that these issues will not matter once we have fallen and our freedoms are gone. We are being led like sheep to the slaughter but we still have time to get back up, turn and run away. But it will never happen while we are focused on individual issues.
Now please don't get me wrong. I do believe in equality, but guess what, once we agree to stop fighting these things will work themselves out. We can learn to accept each other and love our freedom again, but that will never happen while we are divided. I pray that someday soon we as Americans can take a stand and become UNITED once more.
If you need a reminder, please go watch the movie The Patriot or something else from that time period. Do you really think that these people went through such hard times and gave up so many lives so that we could fight about where we go to the bathroom or who bakes a cake? Please America, I beg you, please WAKE UP! Before it is too late, for the same of our children, let us become the UNITED states of America again.
However, while seeing an article the other day, I have realized that sadly, we are no longer able to call ourselves USA. That name stands for UNITED States of America. It breaks my heart but this country is no longer united. It has been said by many that we would be destroyed from the inside and this for sure has happened.
The article that I was looking at (and to be honest I couldn't even read it all, it just makes me so sad!) was that my home state, Ohio, is attempting to ban all travel to North Carolina because they have bravely decided that they do not want to allow men into women's bathrooms. Ban travel to an entire state just because you don't agree with it? The people who applaud this, by the way, are the very same people who threw a fit when a Christian baker refused to bake a cake for a gay couple and forced them to either do so in the name of acceptance or lose their business. Am I the only one who sees this as extremely hypocritical?!?
Those who know me know which side I stand on with these issues, but that is not the point. The sad truth is that people who hate our country and everything that we stand for are using these little issues to divide us and they are winning that fight! While we Americans fight with each other about skin color and sexual orientation, those who hate us are sitting back laughing at us and patting themselves on the back for successfully stirring the pot.
My fellow Americans, I beg you to forget the issues and realize that they are just pawns in our enemies game! United we stand but what happens when we're divided? We fall. We are falling. I don't want to watch our country fall. It makes me scared for our kids to think of what will happen when we fall. I'm not sure I would be able to continue my fear if it were not for my faith in God. People please realize that these issues will not matter once we have fallen and our freedoms are gone. We are being led like sheep to the slaughter but we still have time to get back up, turn and run away. But it will never happen while we are focused on individual issues.
Now please don't get me wrong. I do believe in equality, but guess what, once we agree to stop fighting these things will work themselves out. We can learn to accept each other and love our freedom again, but that will never happen while we are divided. I pray that someday soon we as Americans can take a stand and become UNITED once more.
If you need a reminder, please go watch the movie The Patriot or something else from that time period. Do you really think that these people went through such hard times and gave up so many lives so that we could fight about where we go to the bathroom or who bakes a cake? Please America, I beg you, please WAKE UP! Before it is too late, for the same of our children, let us become the UNITED states of America again.
Saturday, May 7, 2016
Perception
Perception is everything. The way you see things will control how you view life. I have learned this very important lesson in an awesome way recently.
I was a stay at home homeschool mom for 18 years. I absolutely loved being home with my kids and enjoyed spending each day watching them grow and developing a close relationship with them. However, as much as I love my children, I got burnt out along the way and started secretly wishing that I could have some time away. Now don't get me wrong, NEVER would I want to be completely away from my kids, but I started thinking that maybe I needed to go get a job and be away from them for a bit.
Now before I go any further, let me explain what I mean. I am not saying that it is bad for a mom to go out and get a job, nor am I saying that it is bad for a mom to have some time away from her kids. I still believe that is very important and healthy for some separation to happen at times. I am talking about what I have figured out is best for my family and on a regular, daily basis as any average day.
When we decided that it was time for most of our children to go to public school, I thought I would go back into the world and get a full time job and be a professional. Well, no jobs were available at the time. However, a position opened up a the preschool of the church we attended at the time. I could bring my children with me that were still homeschooling and it was only three days a week so I was still very much available at home. This was the perfect opportunity for me to get out of the house for a bit and earn some money, but still be there for my kids whenever they needed me.
I worked at the preschool for almost three years. Three-fourths through the third year my husband told me that I needed to get a full time job due to our finances. I was sad to leave the kids but excited to get back out in the world and be a professional. Yet, still nothing was available. I was hired, however at a local restaurant. Something felt off about this place, but I left the preschool (after many tears telling those sweet little faces goodbye!) and went off on my new career (I was promised the ability to move up to supervisor very quickly so this was to be a long-term, good thing, obviously it didn't turn out the way they had promised).
My perception at this point was that even though I adored my kids, I needed to be out in the world and get to know other adults. Live the lifestyle of spending the majority of my day away from my kids, letting them fend for themselves (which I repeat, don't get me wrong, I am not saying that there isn't a need for separation and learning to be independent, rather speaking of typical, everyday life) while I am out doing my thing. I had grown tired of sitting outside of the school daily, waiting for them to come out, then spending at least two hours a day driving the kids where they needed to be. I had grown tired of constantly having to pick things up in our home or tell them to pick up after themselves (ok that hasn't changed but the way I perceive it has). I was exhausted with my life and ready to begin a new life.
This new job was going to be my answer to this desire. I was going to be gone every day through the week and they were going to get themselves home (or my mom would be doing the transportation when they couldn't). My husband was just going to have to take the time off work for all of the doctor appointments, orthodontist appointments, and whatever else they needed. I would, of course, enjoy my kids in the evenings when I was home but the rest of the day was mine to go out and live my own life at my job.
Obviously, that is not how things turned out for me, or else there would not be this blog post. It did not take me very long to realize why God had not opened up any doors for me to get a professional, full time job. While I was exhausted with my life at home, I just needed a reminder of how much I loved it. I was miserable. First there was the fact that the job was awful. I have always been the kind of person to love working and always found good things in every job. This job, however was full of drama and lies. I will leave it at that for that subject. But I very quickly realized that my heart was always at home with my family. I actually missed picking up messes and sitting at the school waiting to pick them up. Even now that were in the teenage years where the "Hi! How was your day?" is always met with a grumpy sigh. I desperately missed it. I began wishing I was able to be at home to even do the mundane daily chores.
Finally, after many prayers and many tears, my husband saw my pain. He knew that I was miserable and that I needed to be at home. He told me to quit my job and immediately upon hearing those words I felt such freedom. I could be home with my kids and take care of my family!
Now those who know me understand that this was never about me quitting a job or me not wanting to work. I have always been a very hard worker and will do everything I need to in order to take care of my family. I just realized that no amount of money was worth me being going. I only have a few years left with my kids, one has already graduated and moved out. I need to be here taking care of them. I need to be the one that they can call when they're sick and need to come home. I need to be the one that is waiting for them to come out of the school at the end of the day. I need to be the one holding the house together.
Now that it had been taken away from me for a while and I have it back I am filled with such joy while doing the things that I had complained about only a few months ago. I sit in the parking lot and anxiously wait for my kids to come out. I do the dishes and praise God that I have a house full of kids to use those dishes (and an amazing husband who cooks breakfast in bed for me and goes to work daily so I can stay home and take care of our family!). A few months ago my perception of my daily duties was clouded by my being overwhelmed and exhausted. Now my perception is nothing but love and adoration for the precious gifts God has given me. I love my family so much and when I think about these things it almost feels like my heart is going to beat right out of my chest. I used to be upset and feel worthless saying that my life meant nothing and that I helped no one. I now see that my life is for my family and I realize how very blessed I am. I will go back to work one day and I will be happy about it. My kids will grow up and live their own lives (they have already begun their independence). But for now, while they are growing up, they know that mom is home and there for them no matter what. I no longer complain about doing these things for my family because my perception has changed. I no longer see myself and my exhaustion but my love for my family.
Everything is how you see it. Make sure that you are not allowing your perception overcome the true importance of your life.
I was a stay at home homeschool mom for 18 years. I absolutely loved being home with my kids and enjoyed spending each day watching them grow and developing a close relationship with them. However, as much as I love my children, I got burnt out along the way and started secretly wishing that I could have some time away. Now don't get me wrong, NEVER would I want to be completely away from my kids, but I started thinking that maybe I needed to go get a job and be away from them for a bit.
Now before I go any further, let me explain what I mean. I am not saying that it is bad for a mom to go out and get a job, nor am I saying that it is bad for a mom to have some time away from her kids. I still believe that is very important and healthy for some separation to happen at times. I am talking about what I have figured out is best for my family and on a regular, daily basis as any average day.
When we decided that it was time for most of our children to go to public school, I thought I would go back into the world and get a full time job and be a professional. Well, no jobs were available at the time. However, a position opened up a the preschool of the church we attended at the time. I could bring my children with me that were still homeschooling and it was only three days a week so I was still very much available at home. This was the perfect opportunity for me to get out of the house for a bit and earn some money, but still be there for my kids whenever they needed me.
I worked at the preschool for almost three years. Three-fourths through the third year my husband told me that I needed to get a full time job due to our finances. I was sad to leave the kids but excited to get back out in the world and be a professional. Yet, still nothing was available. I was hired, however at a local restaurant. Something felt off about this place, but I left the preschool (after many tears telling those sweet little faces goodbye!) and went off on my new career (I was promised the ability to move up to supervisor very quickly so this was to be a long-term, good thing, obviously it didn't turn out the way they had promised).
My perception at this point was that even though I adored my kids, I needed to be out in the world and get to know other adults. Live the lifestyle of spending the majority of my day away from my kids, letting them fend for themselves (which I repeat, don't get me wrong, I am not saying that there isn't a need for separation and learning to be independent, rather speaking of typical, everyday life) while I am out doing my thing. I had grown tired of sitting outside of the school daily, waiting for them to come out, then spending at least two hours a day driving the kids where they needed to be. I had grown tired of constantly having to pick things up in our home or tell them to pick up after themselves (ok that hasn't changed but the way I perceive it has). I was exhausted with my life and ready to begin a new life.
This new job was going to be my answer to this desire. I was going to be gone every day through the week and they were going to get themselves home (or my mom would be doing the transportation when they couldn't). My husband was just going to have to take the time off work for all of the doctor appointments, orthodontist appointments, and whatever else they needed. I would, of course, enjoy my kids in the evenings when I was home but the rest of the day was mine to go out and live my own life at my job.
Obviously, that is not how things turned out for me, or else there would not be this blog post. It did not take me very long to realize why God had not opened up any doors for me to get a professional, full time job. While I was exhausted with my life at home, I just needed a reminder of how much I loved it. I was miserable. First there was the fact that the job was awful. I have always been the kind of person to love working and always found good things in every job. This job, however was full of drama and lies. I will leave it at that for that subject. But I very quickly realized that my heart was always at home with my family. I actually missed picking up messes and sitting at the school waiting to pick them up. Even now that were in the teenage years where the "Hi! How was your day?" is always met with a grumpy sigh. I desperately missed it. I began wishing I was able to be at home to even do the mundane daily chores.
Finally, after many prayers and many tears, my husband saw my pain. He knew that I was miserable and that I needed to be at home. He told me to quit my job and immediately upon hearing those words I felt such freedom. I could be home with my kids and take care of my family!
Now those who know me understand that this was never about me quitting a job or me not wanting to work. I have always been a very hard worker and will do everything I need to in order to take care of my family. I just realized that no amount of money was worth me being going. I only have a few years left with my kids, one has already graduated and moved out. I need to be here taking care of them. I need to be the one that they can call when they're sick and need to come home. I need to be the one that is waiting for them to come out of the school at the end of the day. I need to be the one holding the house together.
Now that it had been taken away from me for a while and I have it back I am filled with such joy while doing the things that I had complained about only a few months ago. I sit in the parking lot and anxiously wait for my kids to come out. I do the dishes and praise God that I have a house full of kids to use those dishes (and an amazing husband who cooks breakfast in bed for me and goes to work daily so I can stay home and take care of our family!). A few months ago my perception of my daily duties was clouded by my being overwhelmed and exhausted. Now my perception is nothing but love and adoration for the precious gifts God has given me. I love my family so much and when I think about these things it almost feels like my heart is going to beat right out of my chest. I used to be upset and feel worthless saying that my life meant nothing and that I helped no one. I now see that my life is for my family and I realize how very blessed I am. I will go back to work one day and I will be happy about it. My kids will grow up and live their own lives (they have already begun their independence). But for now, while they are growing up, they know that mom is home and there for them no matter what. I no longer complain about doing these things for my family because my perception has changed. I no longer see myself and my exhaustion but my love for my family.
Everything is how you see it. Make sure that you are not allowing your perception overcome the true importance of your life.
Monday, May 2, 2016
To Him who could do more than I could even hope for
As I type this I sit in my home that I share with my husband and our six children. We have lived here for almost eleven years and have many memories of raising our precious little ones (who aren't quite so little anymore as much as I hate to admit it). We have had a lot of hardships and been through the ringer many times, but we made it through and I am very proud of my family.
Today marks one year since I graduated college. Me! Steph Loughman. The girl who barely graduated high school. Not only did I graduate college, but I did so with a 4.0 grade point average and was on the Dean's List every quarter. So many amazing things have happened since then, including God giving me a message and allowing me to write a book which will hopefully lead to a ministry for my husband and I.
It may seem that I am bragging on myself. Anyone who knows me knows that while I brag on my family often, bragging on myself rarely happens. Don't get me wrong, I am bragging, but not on myself. For the things that I have accomplished or been given I give all the glory to God. I could not have done any of these amazing things had it not been for Him. In fact, I could not have ever in my wildest dreams imagined most of these things!
Growing up I knew I wanted children, but I never could have imagined that I would have six amazing kids. It would have never crossed my mind that I would even be able to stay at home with them and homeschool them, but my awesome God made that possible. He allowed me to stay at home with them and raise them instead of sending them away to strangers. He let me serve in church and teach other kids all about His goodness. God let me marry an amazing man who would provide for us (which also comes from God) so that the kids and I could stay home together as they grew.
My God allowed me to go back to school after 20 years and helped me to do well. My dad and my brother were both writers, but who would have ever guessed that it would be me that would write and publish a book? Not me for sure! My God has done so many amazing things through me that sometimes it makes me dizzy thinking of how good He has been to me. I am not deserving of His goodness, yet He carries me through everything and keeps me provided for way beyond what I would be able to do. No, I am not bragging on myself at all, I am bragging on my amazing God. Words are not good enough to express how wonderful He is. I want to be sure that He gets all of the glory for everything that He has done in my life. Without Him I am nothing, but with Him, I can do all things. I am so in love with my awesome God!
Ephesians 3:20-21 Now to Him who is able to do above and beyond all that we ask or think according to the power that works in us— to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.
Today marks one year since I graduated college. Me! Steph Loughman. The girl who barely graduated high school. Not only did I graduate college, but I did so with a 4.0 grade point average and was on the Dean's List every quarter. So many amazing things have happened since then, including God giving me a message and allowing me to write a book which will hopefully lead to a ministry for my husband and I.
It may seem that I am bragging on myself. Anyone who knows me knows that while I brag on my family often, bragging on myself rarely happens. Don't get me wrong, I am bragging, but not on myself. For the things that I have accomplished or been given I give all the glory to God. I could not have done any of these amazing things had it not been for Him. In fact, I could not have ever in my wildest dreams imagined most of these things!
Growing up I knew I wanted children, but I never could have imagined that I would have six amazing kids. It would have never crossed my mind that I would even be able to stay at home with them and homeschool them, but my awesome God made that possible. He allowed me to stay at home with them and raise them instead of sending them away to strangers. He let me serve in church and teach other kids all about His goodness. God let me marry an amazing man who would provide for us (which also comes from God) so that the kids and I could stay home together as they grew.
My God allowed me to go back to school after 20 years and helped me to do well. My dad and my brother were both writers, but who would have ever guessed that it would be me that would write and publish a book? Not me for sure! My God has done so many amazing things through me that sometimes it makes me dizzy thinking of how good He has been to me. I am not deserving of His goodness, yet He carries me through everything and keeps me provided for way beyond what I would be able to do. No, I am not bragging on myself at all, I am bragging on my amazing God. Words are not good enough to express how wonderful He is. I want to be sure that He gets all of the glory for everything that He has done in my life. Without Him I am nothing, but with Him, I can do all things. I am so in love with my awesome God!
Ephesians 3:20-21 Now to Him who is able to do above and beyond all that we ask or think according to the power that works in us— to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.
Saturday, March 19, 2016
A day for mourning and a day for rejoicing
Everyone has days that are special for them in one way or another. Remembrances of special things that have happened, whether happy or sad. Life is full of ups and downs and we are given daily reminders of this truth. However, occasionally one day can hold both good and bad memories. Today is such a day for me. March nineteenth will always be special in my heart; very special. I always hold this date dear because of two things that happened, or didn't happen to me.
The first reminder I have for this precious day is the remembrance of an empty womb. March 19, 1998 was the day that I was due to deliver my second child. What a joyous day that would have been! Instead of joy however, for me it was a day of great sadness. My child was not born on March 19th, in fact he was not born at all. Almost half way through my pregnancy, on one October day I got scared of what was to come, evoked my "right to chose" and had an abortion. It wasn't exactly the easy choice that I was assured it would be. The promises that women are told are complete lies and I am living proof.
I think of my child, Joshua Daniel, often. I wonder what he might have looked like. I consider what his voice would sound like and what would his personality be. Would he be funny or serious? Perhaps he would be a great thinker. Maybe he would be the silliest kid on earth and keep me rolling in laughter. These are things that I will never know but forever question in my heart. This day reminds me of my own selfishness and an empty womb. A child forever lost.
However, this day brings great joy to me as well. Later on in my life I had asked God to forgive me for my abortion and he healed me of so much pain that accompanied it. I was later happily married and beginning to deal with the pain that was associated with my bad choices in my younger years. God wanted to bless me and show me that He loved me even still. My husband and I found out that we were going to have another baby. My due date for this child... March 19th!
I really struggled with this date being when my daughter was due at first. I felt guilt from my abortion and having another child due on the very same day caused me even more guilt. Through prayer and guidance from other Christians I can now see that God was allowing my children to share the same due date to show me that everything was going to be ok. It was like a giant hug from heaven, both from God and my precious son who is there waiting on me to join him. My story is a reminder that pain lasts through the night but joy comes in the morning!
As if right on cue, I went into labor with my daughter in the evening on March 19th. It was a long night of labor but by morning, we had our precious baby girl. She will be 17 years old tomorrow and she amazes me constantly. She has grown into a beautiful amazing young woman and I am so very proud of her. She brings not only me, but her father and many other people such joy. I am honored to be her mom and so very excited to celebrate her birth and her life. I hope she knows just how precious she is. God has shown me so much through her life.
As I wrote earlier, my life reminds me that no matter how much pain we are in, joy comes in the morning. Today I remember my son. I no longer feel shame and guilt because of his death but I know him as my son and say a prayer asking God to tell him hello for me and that I love and miss him. Tomorrow I celebrate the precious life of my daughter and tell her how special and how loved she is. Happy birthday baby girl, I'm so glad that God allowed me to be your mom. <3 <3 <3
The first reminder I have for this precious day is the remembrance of an empty womb. March 19, 1998 was the day that I was due to deliver my second child. What a joyous day that would have been! Instead of joy however, for me it was a day of great sadness. My child was not born on March 19th, in fact he was not born at all. Almost half way through my pregnancy, on one October day I got scared of what was to come, evoked my "right to chose" and had an abortion. It wasn't exactly the easy choice that I was assured it would be. The promises that women are told are complete lies and I am living proof.
I think of my child, Joshua Daniel, often. I wonder what he might have looked like. I consider what his voice would sound like and what would his personality be. Would he be funny or serious? Perhaps he would be a great thinker. Maybe he would be the silliest kid on earth and keep me rolling in laughter. These are things that I will never know but forever question in my heart. This day reminds me of my own selfishness and an empty womb. A child forever lost.
However, this day brings great joy to me as well. Later on in my life I had asked God to forgive me for my abortion and he healed me of so much pain that accompanied it. I was later happily married and beginning to deal with the pain that was associated with my bad choices in my younger years. God wanted to bless me and show me that He loved me even still. My husband and I found out that we were going to have another baby. My due date for this child... March 19th!
I really struggled with this date being when my daughter was due at first. I felt guilt from my abortion and having another child due on the very same day caused me even more guilt. Through prayer and guidance from other Christians I can now see that God was allowing my children to share the same due date to show me that everything was going to be ok. It was like a giant hug from heaven, both from God and my precious son who is there waiting on me to join him. My story is a reminder that pain lasts through the night but joy comes in the morning!
As if right on cue, I went into labor with my daughter in the evening on March 19th. It was a long night of labor but by morning, we had our precious baby girl. She will be 17 years old tomorrow and she amazes me constantly. She has grown into a beautiful amazing young woman and I am so very proud of her. She brings not only me, but her father and many other people such joy. I am honored to be her mom and so very excited to celebrate her birth and her life. I hope she knows just how precious she is. God has shown me so much through her life.
As I wrote earlier, my life reminds me that no matter how much pain we are in, joy comes in the morning. Today I remember my son. I no longer feel shame and guilt because of his death but I know him as my son and say a prayer asking God to tell him hello for me and that I love and miss him. Tomorrow I celebrate the precious life of my daughter and tell her how special and how loved she is. Happy birthday baby girl, I'm so glad that God allowed me to be your mom. <3 <3 <3
Monday, February 29, 2016
Blah...
This morning I am struggling with many emotions and none of them are good.
Sad.
Worthless.
Angry.
Hurt.
Alone.
Grumpy.
Anxious.
Depressed.
I could go on and on but I'm sure you get the point. There is no reason for me to feel this way; I just do. There are things deep in my heart that are concerning me or have given me a reason to be upset, but nothing major and mostly just me being human. But my problem is whether I have a reason for these feelings or not, they are present.
There was a time in my life when I would have taken these feelings and spent the entire day making sure that everyone knew that I was upset and making them pay for it, even when I knew it was not their bill to pay. I apologize to all of my friends and family who have fallen victim to that bad attitude of mine.
What I will attempt to do today instead is to focus on God. He says "This is the day that Lord has made, rejoice and be glad in it!" (Psalm 11:24). He also says that He "knows the plans that He has for me, plans for prosper not my harm; to give me a hope and a future" (Jeremiah 29:11). So many other places where He has given this same type of promise; these are what I need to listen to.
For no reason whatsoever today is a rough day. My heart is just not in living this day out. But I will keep my focus on God and pray that He gives me some joy. You have to get through the tough to make it to the good times. I will keep pushing on. There's my thought for today. Hope everyone else is having a great day today :) <3
Sad.
Worthless.
Angry.
Hurt.
Alone.
Grumpy.
Anxious.
Depressed.
I could go on and on but I'm sure you get the point. There is no reason for me to feel this way; I just do. There are things deep in my heart that are concerning me or have given me a reason to be upset, but nothing major and mostly just me being human. But my problem is whether I have a reason for these feelings or not, they are present.
There was a time in my life when I would have taken these feelings and spent the entire day making sure that everyone knew that I was upset and making them pay for it, even when I knew it was not their bill to pay. I apologize to all of my friends and family who have fallen victim to that bad attitude of mine.
What I will attempt to do today instead is to focus on God. He says "This is the day that Lord has made, rejoice and be glad in it!" (Psalm 11:24). He also says that He "knows the plans that He has for me, plans for prosper not my harm; to give me a hope and a future" (Jeremiah 29:11). So many other places where He has given this same type of promise; these are what I need to listen to.
For no reason whatsoever today is a rough day. My heart is just not in living this day out. But I will keep my focus on God and pray that He gives me some joy. You have to get through the tough to make it to the good times. I will keep pushing on. There's my thought for today. Hope everyone else is having a great day today :) <3
Monday, February 22, 2016
The Same Power
I'd say "Good morning" but that might be a lie. I have no reason at all for this but my morning has not been "good". My morning has been ok; nothing terrible has happened, but it's my attitude that is not the best. For some reason, unknown to me, I feel hopeless inside. There is no reason for this feeling, so I am fighting it.
As I have gone about my morning I have had a song going through my mind. This happens often as I love music and always have, but this morning the song going through my mind is, I'm sure, a message from God. I believe the song is by Jeremy Camp and although I know the whole song it is the one line that keeps repeating in my mind; "The same power that rose Jesus from the dead is in us, is in us."
As I am singing this I am remembering the good in life. I am in my home right now doing chores; dishes, taking out the trash, picking up after kids and dogs, laundry, all mundane things, but I am enjoying them. Why am I enjoying them, you might ask. Because I love being a stay at home mom. I have also had the thoughts going through my mind that this will not last much longer as I have to find a full time job and things will change for my family. I have a part time job now, but I have been a stay at home mom since my kids were babies, now I will be a full time working mom. I wont be able to leave and take them where ever they need to go. I wont be able to run lunches to school when they forget. I wont even be able to take them to the doctor when they need to go. This will be a hard change for my whole family. I could easily complain about that this morning, but I will instead be grateful for the many years that I've had it. I praise God for allowing me to be at home with my babies for most of their early years.
This song, however also reminds me of other things. I have friends and family members struggling with some very hard things. I have had similar struggles (and still do!) But this song reminds me that I am not alone. So often I feel so alone in life, like I'm walking through my hard times while everyone else is laughing and having a good time. But that is not the case; in fact that is a lie straight from Satan to keep me depressed and down. Not only am I not alone, but I have the very same power to help me that raised Jesus from the dead... read that again... from the DEAD!! There is no greater power!! The very same God that we read about in the Bible is the very same God that is in us today. We have nothing to fear!
It does not matter if we're struggling with feeling alone, finding the right way, or having too much put on us, we have the power to overcome when we trust in God. It gives me shivers to think about this amazing fact! It is so hard to see at times, but whatever the problem, He is always with us, walking us through; holding our hand and guiding us, We only need to look to Him. The problem is we have to look past the huge problem that we're facing, but it can be done. Let me add some verses from His Word to remind us of this truth...
Isaiah 41:13 For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, "Do not fear; I will help you."
1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on Him for He cares for you.
Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Romans 8:28 For we know that all things work together for His good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose.
Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways submit to Him and He will make your path straight.
There are so many more but I will stop for now. He is so good! I love how a bad attitude can be changed in a moment of praise. Our trials in this world are short. They are hard and exhausting, but God is os much bigger. When we focus on Him they begin to fade away. They are still very present in our lives, but they fade because God takes the load onto Himself and off of us. Praise Him today and look to Him for your struggles!!
As I have gone about my morning I have had a song going through my mind. This happens often as I love music and always have, but this morning the song going through my mind is, I'm sure, a message from God. I believe the song is by Jeremy Camp and although I know the whole song it is the one line that keeps repeating in my mind; "The same power that rose Jesus from the dead is in us, is in us."
As I am singing this I am remembering the good in life. I am in my home right now doing chores; dishes, taking out the trash, picking up after kids and dogs, laundry, all mundane things, but I am enjoying them. Why am I enjoying them, you might ask. Because I love being a stay at home mom. I have also had the thoughts going through my mind that this will not last much longer as I have to find a full time job and things will change for my family. I have a part time job now, but I have been a stay at home mom since my kids were babies, now I will be a full time working mom. I wont be able to leave and take them where ever they need to go. I wont be able to run lunches to school when they forget. I wont even be able to take them to the doctor when they need to go. This will be a hard change for my whole family. I could easily complain about that this morning, but I will instead be grateful for the many years that I've had it. I praise God for allowing me to be at home with my babies for most of their early years.
This song, however also reminds me of other things. I have friends and family members struggling with some very hard things. I have had similar struggles (and still do!) But this song reminds me that I am not alone. So often I feel so alone in life, like I'm walking through my hard times while everyone else is laughing and having a good time. But that is not the case; in fact that is a lie straight from Satan to keep me depressed and down. Not only am I not alone, but I have the very same power to help me that raised Jesus from the dead... read that again... from the DEAD!! There is no greater power!! The very same God that we read about in the Bible is the very same God that is in us today. We have nothing to fear!
It does not matter if we're struggling with feeling alone, finding the right way, or having too much put on us, we have the power to overcome when we trust in God. It gives me shivers to think about this amazing fact! It is so hard to see at times, but whatever the problem, He is always with us, walking us through; holding our hand and guiding us, We only need to look to Him. The problem is we have to look past the huge problem that we're facing, but it can be done. Let me add some verses from His Word to remind us of this truth...
Isaiah 41:13 For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, "Do not fear; I will help you."
1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on Him for He cares for you.
Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Romans 8:28 For we know that all things work together for His good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose.
Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways submit to Him and He will make your path straight.
There are so many more but I will stop for now. He is so good! I love how a bad attitude can be changed in a moment of praise. Our trials in this world are short. They are hard and exhausting, but God is os much bigger. When we focus on Him they begin to fade away. They are still very present in our lives, but they fade because God takes the load onto Himself and off of us. Praise Him today and look to Him for your struggles!!
Sunday, February 7, 2016
How He Loves
This morning I am in awe thinking of how God loves me. This has been a struggle my entire life because I have always felt unworthy of love. However, then I was saved and am always told how much God loves me. I always come back with the one word question, "Why?" I have spent my whole life feeling completely unloved and unaccepted, how can this God love me? Or more importantly, why would He?
I am quite certain that I have shared on here that my childhood was not the best one could experience. I spent a lot of time feeling unloved, unappreciated and just plain worthless. Actually, I was told these things numerous times by people who were supposed to be my support. A shy little girl would have no choice but to grow up believing herself to be worthless when faced with what I had to endure.
However, having been a Christian for 18 years now I can say that while I may still not understand why or how, I know that my amazing God has a love for me that I will never be able to fully comprehend. I do not know this because I am told this, but because I can feel it. When I am weak and scared, I feel His arms wrap around me. When I am mad I hear a still soft voice telling me to trust in Him. When I cant trust in anything else, I know without a shadow of a doubt that He loves me more than I will ever even know.
The why and how that I do not understand does not matter. That is so hard for me to wrap my mind around but it is truth. Whether I feel worthy or not, God loves me. Whether I understand just how much He loves me, He still loves me. As my favorite song says...
I am quite certain that I have shared on here that my childhood was not the best one could experience. I spent a lot of time feeling unloved, unappreciated and just plain worthless. Actually, I was told these things numerous times by people who were supposed to be my support. A shy little girl would have no choice but to grow up believing herself to be worthless when faced with what I had to endure.
However, having been a Christian for 18 years now I can say that while I may still not understand why or how, I know that my amazing God has a love for me that I will never be able to fully comprehend. I do not know this because I am told this, but because I can feel it. When I am weak and scared, I feel His arms wrap around me. When I am mad I hear a still soft voice telling me to trust in Him. When I cant trust in anything else, I know without a shadow of a doubt that He loves me more than I will ever even know.
The why and how that I do not understand does not matter. That is so hard for me to wrap my mind around but it is truth. Whether I feel worthy or not, God loves me. Whether I understand just how much He loves me, He still loves me. As my favorite song says...
He is jealous for me
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of His wind an mercy
Think on those amazing words for a minute. Consider a hurricane; the power of the winds and the forces of nature. I am a tree in the middle this amazing storm, bending at the amounts of love that He is pouring out all around me. The metal image that this song paints for me amazes me every time I hear it. In my mind I see myself as a tree, fragile and in tears; struggling in life. All the while, God's love is pouring out so strong all around me. When I focus on Him I can clearly see the hurricane force winds pounding my heart so strong that I cannot stand in His presence. His love, while I will never comprehend it fully, amazes me.
I am posting a link to this song so you can listen to it. It is called "How He Loves" by David Crowder. Take a minute, close your eyes and imagine yourself as this tree in the midst of a hurricane of God's love. Think for a minute on just how amazing He is. Our God is so awesome!
Monday, February 1, 2016
Identity
From as far back as I can remember I have struggled with my own identity. I do not remember one point in my life when I knew exactly where I belonged and who I was. This is something that I've hoped, wish and begged God for; some sort of peace and comfort in being able to identify with someone, somewhere.
When I was three years old, my dad, brother and I moved in with my grandma. This is the pace that I loved to be. However it did not last long. My dad remarried and we moved to a different town. I was a shy little girl in first grade and did not know how to make new friends, so I sat alone most days. By the time that I was a bit older I had made some new friends, I even had a few that I considered best friends, but my home life was not good so that desperate need lingered and I was miserable from deep within. I was never taught how to handle my feelings or how to deal with anything, I was simply left as worthless, which was exactly how I felt.
When I was older I thought for sure that if I lived with my mom I would find my place in this world, so once again I moved, this time three hours away. a quarter of the way through my eighth grade year I started a new life with my mom. I was very happy to be with her, but school life was not good. The kids had already formed relationships and I was the oddball. Still the shy little girl inside, I just kept to myself and took all of the ridicule and bullying that came my way. By this point in my life, I was sure that I was worthless as I had always been taught. But I was going to change and find my way.
The next fall, when I started high school was my big break; or so I thought. This was where I would find myself. The town we lived in was big, so the high school was a combination of three different middle schools, this was all new kids and I was going to force myself to break out of my shell. So that is exactly what I did. I made friends, had boyfriends, and hung out having fun. The only problem is that it still did not satisfy my need for feeling like I belong.
After high school I didn't do too bad, I worked two jobs, moved out and got married and attempted to start a life. But when problems arose, I was gone. That started a long time of going back and forth trying to find where "home" was. I'd go to southern Ohio (where I was raised), then go back to central Ohio thinking that must be home. Only to find that whatever it was I was looking for was not there.
I felt as if there were no place that I belonged and that I must truly be worthless. Then one day I found out I was pregnant. I had my first son alone and decided him and I would start a life and surely now I had worth; I belonged with my son. I was saved a year later, joined a church and met my husband. We had more kids and I quit my job to be a full time house wife and home school mom. I was positive that I had found where I belonged. I poured my whole heart and life into my family. I was warned by many to continue to have a life for myself but I did not heed these warnings.
While raising my kids and caring for my family I felt the most needed, accepted and wanted than I ever have in my life. I thought that must be what I was created to do. That is such a wonderful thought; however there is a flaw in this as well. Kids grow up; my job was to help them grow so that they could have their own life, not be MY life. They have done that. They are not all grown yet, but they are all old enough to be their own people; one had already graduated and began his own life apart from us. My children are wonderful and I am so very proud of them. But I have recently realized that while they are a huge part of my life, they also are not my identity.
So now here I am, 41 years old and still not sure who I am or where I belong. I feel as though I have wasted my entire life looking for something that is not there. I regret that. For now I am finally starting to realize that my identity is not in who accepts me, where I live, or my circumstances. My identity is in my amazing God. He created me. He loves me and has a purpose for me regardless of if I or anyone else can see it. I have not learned how to accept myself but I am finally trying. I pray that God takes my life and uses me. I pray that God helps me to see my identity in Him. Also, my reason in writing this is that I pray that God will use my life-long struggle to help others to see that they have worth in Him as well. We are His. We need to look to Him for our identity, not to anything or anyone else.
When I was three years old, my dad, brother and I moved in with my grandma. This is the pace that I loved to be. However it did not last long. My dad remarried and we moved to a different town. I was a shy little girl in first grade and did not know how to make new friends, so I sat alone most days. By the time that I was a bit older I had made some new friends, I even had a few that I considered best friends, but my home life was not good so that desperate need lingered and I was miserable from deep within. I was never taught how to handle my feelings or how to deal with anything, I was simply left as worthless, which was exactly how I felt.
When I was older I thought for sure that if I lived with my mom I would find my place in this world, so once again I moved, this time three hours away. a quarter of the way through my eighth grade year I started a new life with my mom. I was very happy to be with her, but school life was not good. The kids had already formed relationships and I was the oddball. Still the shy little girl inside, I just kept to myself and took all of the ridicule and bullying that came my way. By this point in my life, I was sure that I was worthless as I had always been taught. But I was going to change and find my way.
The next fall, when I started high school was my big break; or so I thought. This was where I would find myself. The town we lived in was big, so the high school was a combination of three different middle schools, this was all new kids and I was going to force myself to break out of my shell. So that is exactly what I did. I made friends, had boyfriends, and hung out having fun. The only problem is that it still did not satisfy my need for feeling like I belong.
After high school I didn't do too bad, I worked two jobs, moved out and got married and attempted to start a life. But when problems arose, I was gone. That started a long time of going back and forth trying to find where "home" was. I'd go to southern Ohio (where I was raised), then go back to central Ohio thinking that must be home. Only to find that whatever it was I was looking for was not there.
I felt as if there were no place that I belonged and that I must truly be worthless. Then one day I found out I was pregnant. I had my first son alone and decided him and I would start a life and surely now I had worth; I belonged with my son. I was saved a year later, joined a church and met my husband. We had more kids and I quit my job to be a full time house wife and home school mom. I was positive that I had found where I belonged. I poured my whole heart and life into my family. I was warned by many to continue to have a life for myself but I did not heed these warnings.
While raising my kids and caring for my family I felt the most needed, accepted and wanted than I ever have in my life. I thought that must be what I was created to do. That is such a wonderful thought; however there is a flaw in this as well. Kids grow up; my job was to help them grow so that they could have their own life, not be MY life. They have done that. They are not all grown yet, but they are all old enough to be their own people; one had already graduated and began his own life apart from us. My children are wonderful and I am so very proud of them. But I have recently realized that while they are a huge part of my life, they also are not my identity.
So now here I am, 41 years old and still not sure who I am or where I belong. I feel as though I have wasted my entire life looking for something that is not there. I regret that. For now I am finally starting to realize that my identity is not in who accepts me, where I live, or my circumstances. My identity is in my amazing God. He created me. He loves me and has a purpose for me regardless of if I or anyone else can see it. I have not learned how to accept myself but I am finally trying. I pray that God takes my life and uses me. I pray that God helps me to see my identity in Him. Also, my reason in writing this is that I pray that God will use my life-long struggle to help others to see that they have worth in Him as well. We are His. We need to look to Him for our identity, not to anything or anyone else.
Thursday, January 28, 2016
Larry Bussa January 1, 1947- January 29, 2015
I'll re-live these days every year, most likely for the rest of my life. It was the most heart-wrenching joyous occasion I've ever experienced. Heart-wrenching for me, joyous for him. I would be lying if I were to even attempt to say that it is not heavy on my mind on this night, the eve of the anniversary of my dad's death.
A large part of our state had experienced a very bad snow storm over the weekend. However, what followed the storm was even worse. Not only were we covered in snow, but we now were dealing with extremely low temperatures, colder than what any of us were used to with wind chills that made it unbearable. I am pretty certain that Alaska was warmer than Ohio during this week. My dad would have gotten a kick out of knowing that he left during this weather, as if to say that he most certainly had had enough and was completely done with this crazy Ohio weather. I have always hated cold and snow for two reasons; one because I was cold-blooded and always freezing and two because it's how my daddy taught me to think. In our house when I was growing up, snow was a bad word.
When Hospice called the family in for my dad, I was stuck at my home almost three hours away. I was devastated that I could not be by his side. I had spent the previous three years running down to my hometown, Portsmouth, Ohio every time he would take a turn for the worse. When I was at my house and not able to be by his side I was calling Hospice nurses and family members to check up on him and see how he was doing. He had always said that he did not want to live in a miserable state, but circumstances made him live for three years in misery. Now it was time for him to be called home to Heaven and finally be out of misery and because of horrible weather, I was not going to be able to hold his hand one last time and tell him goodbye. It was all that I wanted.
Finally there was a break in the weather, roads were cleared, and I was able to make the trip to be by my daddy's side. I could not get there fast enough. I do not remember much about the trip, only that I had to get down there. Finally, after a very long, exhausting trip, I arrived and joined my daddy as he lay on what would be his death bed.
I had prepared myself for what I would see. I had seen people in their final stages of life many times before, but there is just something different when the person you are looking at is the person that you had looked up to your entire life. As I entered the room I saw a shell of a man. He was no longer coherent nor did he wake up at all. His body was there, sleeping, but my daddy was already gone.
Two nights before he died, my dad saw his welcoming party into the spiritual realm. We watched as the man who had previously done nothing but slept opened his eyes. But his eyes weren't open to the world around us, rather the world that he was about to enter. There was a joy that surrounded my dad that I had never seen before. He looked straight above him constantly and held a huge smile on his face. There were times that he lifted his body in a way that was not humanly possible. The last traces of his man's strength had left his body weeks ago, yet he was lifting himself out of bed. He was not lifting in a normal way, but straight up instead. I am certain that my dad saw Heaven that night, Jesus along with his parents and possibly many others were welcoming him home, no one can ever convince me otherwise. It was the most amazing thing I have ever seen in my entire life.
The days were full of visiting with old friends and long-lost family members. It was so good to see them all again and spend time with them. We sat and talked, we laughed about old times, it was a wonderful time of reminiscing. But it was always in the back of my mind that we were there for another reason; it was all too real that any minute we would be rushing to my dad's bedside to hold his hand as he drew his final breathes.
That moment came on Wednesday afternoon. My husband and my daughter were on their way to join us and they arrived just in time. By the time that they walked in, the rest of us had already gathered around dad, we were all well aware that his time on this earth was complete. We watched as his breathing slowed and finally stopped. I remember watching his chest slowly move up and down, then stop, then slow a few more times. They had warned us that he could stop breathing for a time then start back up. His nurse had told me to count between breaths and that it could be up to twenty seconds before the next. That is exactly how it happened. First it was about five seconds, then ten, then twenty, and finally, there were no more breaths taken. I sat by his side the entire time, held his hand and counted his breaths, maybe he had done the same for me as I entered the world that he was now leaving.
My world would never be the same. My daddy was gone. We had been through so much in life; so many ups and downs, but it was all over now. He was gone. Yet I could still praise God. Thought my dad was no longer here with me, I knew that he was still ok. He had entered Heaven. He was with Jesus and all of our loved ones who had already gone before him. He was finally out of the pain and misery that he had been forced to endure for so long. He was ok. I hold on to that and have a great peace when I think of him. I praise God for my dad. I praise God that He allowed me to make the trip and be by his side as he died. I praise God that one day I will go and be by my dad's side again. He is waiting for me and it will be a wonderful reunion. As I used to sing in church while standing beside my daddy, "When we all get to Heaven, what a day of rejoicing that will be!" I look forward to that day. Until then, I love you and miss you daddy.
Larry Bussa January 1, 1947- January 29, 2015
A large part of our state had experienced a very bad snow storm over the weekend. However, what followed the storm was even worse. Not only were we covered in snow, but we now were dealing with extremely low temperatures, colder than what any of us were used to with wind chills that made it unbearable. I am pretty certain that Alaska was warmer than Ohio during this week. My dad would have gotten a kick out of knowing that he left during this weather, as if to say that he most certainly had had enough and was completely done with this crazy Ohio weather. I have always hated cold and snow for two reasons; one because I was cold-blooded and always freezing and two because it's how my daddy taught me to think. In our house when I was growing up, snow was a bad word.
When Hospice called the family in for my dad, I was stuck at my home almost three hours away. I was devastated that I could not be by his side. I had spent the previous three years running down to my hometown, Portsmouth, Ohio every time he would take a turn for the worse. When I was at my house and not able to be by his side I was calling Hospice nurses and family members to check up on him and see how he was doing. He had always said that he did not want to live in a miserable state, but circumstances made him live for three years in misery. Now it was time for him to be called home to Heaven and finally be out of misery and because of horrible weather, I was not going to be able to hold his hand one last time and tell him goodbye. It was all that I wanted.
Finally there was a break in the weather, roads were cleared, and I was able to make the trip to be by my daddy's side. I could not get there fast enough. I do not remember much about the trip, only that I had to get down there. Finally, after a very long, exhausting trip, I arrived and joined my daddy as he lay on what would be his death bed.
I had prepared myself for what I would see. I had seen people in their final stages of life many times before, but there is just something different when the person you are looking at is the person that you had looked up to your entire life. As I entered the room I saw a shell of a man. He was no longer coherent nor did he wake up at all. His body was there, sleeping, but my daddy was already gone.
Two nights before he died, my dad saw his welcoming party into the spiritual realm. We watched as the man who had previously done nothing but slept opened his eyes. But his eyes weren't open to the world around us, rather the world that he was about to enter. There was a joy that surrounded my dad that I had never seen before. He looked straight above him constantly and held a huge smile on his face. There were times that he lifted his body in a way that was not humanly possible. The last traces of his man's strength had left his body weeks ago, yet he was lifting himself out of bed. He was not lifting in a normal way, but straight up instead. I am certain that my dad saw Heaven that night, Jesus along with his parents and possibly many others were welcoming him home, no one can ever convince me otherwise. It was the most amazing thing I have ever seen in my entire life.
The days were full of visiting with old friends and long-lost family members. It was so good to see them all again and spend time with them. We sat and talked, we laughed about old times, it was a wonderful time of reminiscing. But it was always in the back of my mind that we were there for another reason; it was all too real that any minute we would be rushing to my dad's bedside to hold his hand as he drew his final breathes.
That moment came on Wednesday afternoon. My husband and my daughter were on their way to join us and they arrived just in time. By the time that they walked in, the rest of us had already gathered around dad, we were all well aware that his time on this earth was complete. We watched as his breathing slowed and finally stopped. I remember watching his chest slowly move up and down, then stop, then slow a few more times. They had warned us that he could stop breathing for a time then start back up. His nurse had told me to count between breaths and that it could be up to twenty seconds before the next. That is exactly how it happened. First it was about five seconds, then ten, then twenty, and finally, there were no more breaths taken. I sat by his side the entire time, held his hand and counted his breaths, maybe he had done the same for me as I entered the world that he was now leaving.
My world would never be the same. My daddy was gone. We had been through so much in life; so many ups and downs, but it was all over now. He was gone. Yet I could still praise God. Thought my dad was no longer here with me, I knew that he was still ok. He had entered Heaven. He was with Jesus and all of our loved ones who had already gone before him. He was finally out of the pain and misery that he had been forced to endure for so long. He was ok. I hold on to that and have a great peace when I think of him. I praise God for my dad. I praise God that He allowed me to make the trip and be by his side as he died. I praise God that one day I will go and be by my dad's side again. He is waiting for me and it will be a wonderful reunion. As I used to sing in church while standing beside my daddy, "When we all get to Heaven, what a day of rejoicing that will be!" I look forward to that day. Until then, I love you and miss you daddy.
Larry Bussa January 1, 1947- January 29, 2015
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