When describing children, "step" is not a word that I like to use. It is the word that our society has chosen to describe a child who belong to your spouse but not you. Personally, I do not think that this is a fair term. I think that using the term step makes the person, whether it be the step-child or the step-parent seem like they are less than. I think that it is important that we stop drawing these lines and making people, children and parents alike, feel less than.
When it comes to these "step" situations, I have been on all sides. I have had step-parents which obviously also makes me a step-child. I also married a man who had kids from a previous marriage making me a step-mom, and my husband became "step" dad (and eventually adoptive dad) to my son. There is not one side of this situation that I have not personally been on and I can tell you with complete honesty that drawing these lines and making anyone feel less than or different is wrong.
As a child, whenever I was called the step-daughter I would cringe. I knew that I was not good enough and that I could not compare to my step-mom's daughter. I was just the baggage that came along with my step-mom's new husband. Somehow, we all knew that there was some weird imaginary line that divided us all with-in our home. We could never be a family because my brother and I were never looked on as true members of the family rather than that annoying kids that had no other choice but to be there.
I remember when I married my husband a family member asked me "Are you sure that you want to do this?" She wasn't asking if I wanted to marry this man, but if I was positive that I wanted to get involved in a step-parent situation because she knew how bad it could be. I told her I absolutely was sure that I wanted to. I was excited that not only was I getting a husband but that I was inheriting two daughters as well. I never wanted to take anything away from their mom, but I was happy to call them my daughters and excited for our new family. For me, the division line was never there because I knew how painful that invisible line could be. My husband did the same for my son. From the second we met, my husband was daddy to my son. We never considered him step-dad, in fact this is the first time (nineteen years later) that term has ever been used to explain their relationship. He was daddy and as soon as we could afford it, we made that legal. We had what people would call a miss-matched family to begin with but it was our intention to blend us all into a beautiful family; his, mine and ours all together. That was the cry of my heart then and it still is today.
Being a step-parent has also had it's affect on me. There have been times when I have felt like I did not belong in my own home or even with my own husband because I was only the "step" parent. I was less than. Obviously, part of this is because of my upbringing and my unhealthy self-image and struggles with my own worthiness. However, it was also in part because those lines have been drawn and the typical "step" situation is one that causes division.
I have never understood why when people get married, all other family members become immediate family; cousins, aunts, uncles, nieces and nephews, but kids; for some reason they have to have a separate title. No one needs to feel accepted more than those kids. They have already had their lives ripped apart by the parents separating. They are confused by mommy or daddy being with someone else. Maybe there's even other kids joining their families and sharing their living spaces with. Everything in their lives is confusing and hurtful. Why would we not just love on these kids and take the chance to tell and show them how special they are instead of simply calling them the "steps".
I should explain that I do understand the other side of this as well. I am a mother and I know the fear and resentment of having to share your child with someone that you are not with. However, it is not the child's fault, neither is it the fault of the new spouse. If your ex has a new mate and he or she is a good person then let them be a part of your children's lives. It can only be good if a child has many people that love them. You cannot stop them from spending time with the kids, so why try and make it miserable?
Additionally, if you marry someone that has kids, then you are a new parent; period. You have new children, not dirty rotten step kids. Love them like your own. Treat them like your own. You will be filled with joy that children bring. Yes, there will be problems, any relationship has that, but it will all be worth it in the end.
I think it is important that we as a society stop drawing these lines. Parents need to work together for the good of their kids, even if they no longer like each other. Stop thinking of yourselves and think of your kids and their happiness. Please stop making your kids and the new parents feel like they are not worthy. It is causing nothing but hurt and destruction. Truly, in this circumstance, love is all we need.
Friday, November 25, 2016
Friday, November 18, 2016
Being Prepared... But Wait, There's More
In my Examen (Pretty cool Devotional Site!) today I read an old familiar verse. I have read this passage of Scripture countless times but I noticed a little more today. Don't you love how the Word of God is so alive that it brings fresh hope every time you read it! God is so good He is constantly amazing me!
The verse that I am referring to is 1 Peter 3:15 which says "Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have." (New International Version). Now this verse is pretty simple, right? We as Christians should always be ready to tell people about Jesus. He is our Hope, our Rock, our Salvation, our Everything. We are living in a lost world that is desperate for us to shine His light and tell them how amazing He is.
What does this look like? Does this mean that we have to stand on every street corner and scream the name of Jesus? Well occasionally maybe but no, this is not what this means at all. God is telling us that as we go about our day, we need to be ready to talk about Him at any moment. For example, maybe you are at the grocery store and you notice a woman crying. Go to her and pray with her; tell her that Jesus loves her. There may be an old lady that cannot pay for the milk she is trying to buy. Hand the cashier the money and tell her that God loves her. These could be simple things that gives an answer to the hope that lies within you. It could be simple things, or much more complicated. In any instance, be ready and be His light.
However, as I eluded to in the title of this blog post, there is more. It is funny to me that people can sometimes rattle off a verse from the Bible but not be able to tell you what it says before or after (myself included!). As always, God does not give us a command and leave us wondering how to follow through with the order. In 1 Peter 3:15b-16 God tells us, "But do this with gentleness and respect, 16 keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander." (New International Version).
I honestly believe that if more Christians would live the rest of the passage of Scripture out we would have a lot less problems in the world; especially current day America! We can't just yell "Turn or burn!!" It is just as important to show love and explain why the need for Jesus as it is to tell about Jesus. That is what the rest of this verse is saying. Speaking about God in love and respect not only tells people about Jesus, it also shows them. If we as Christians would follow this command properly, there would be a lot less people saying "I'll never go back to that church again, they are such hypocrites!" The lost world instead would see that we have a hope for a reason. That Jesus really is loving, merciful and kind. Imagine with me for a moment, how truly wonderful things would be if we showed Christ's love with our words and our actions. It is a beautiful image.
Which leads me to the final part of this verse. We are to do this so that we will have a clear conscience and anyone who speaks bad of us will have no real offense to speak of. They will be ashamed of their slandering ways because no fruit can come of it. Instead of the world making fools of the church, the ones who choose to slander will be made to look like fools. In essence, the good guys win out in the end! Nothing is better than that.
So you can see that in these two short verses God has provided for us a command, instructions on how to follow through as well as the reasoning for doing so. God does not leave us hanging. He always provides for his children. I love that so much and it gives me such comfort.
I probably should confess, in writing this I am not trying to point fingers at anyone; unless possibly myself. I am speaking to myself as much as anyone else. This is just what I have taken from my time with God today and thought I would share with anyone who might be interested. I hope you have been blessed by reading this. please feel free to comment or share. I love to start conversations and discuss these things. Have a wonderful day, my friends :)
The verse that I am referring to is 1 Peter 3:15 which says "Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have." (New International Version). Now this verse is pretty simple, right? We as Christians should always be ready to tell people about Jesus. He is our Hope, our Rock, our Salvation, our Everything. We are living in a lost world that is desperate for us to shine His light and tell them how amazing He is.
What does this look like? Does this mean that we have to stand on every street corner and scream the name of Jesus? Well occasionally maybe but no, this is not what this means at all. God is telling us that as we go about our day, we need to be ready to talk about Him at any moment. For example, maybe you are at the grocery store and you notice a woman crying. Go to her and pray with her; tell her that Jesus loves her. There may be an old lady that cannot pay for the milk she is trying to buy. Hand the cashier the money and tell her that God loves her. These could be simple things that gives an answer to the hope that lies within you. It could be simple things, or much more complicated. In any instance, be ready and be His light.
However, as I eluded to in the title of this blog post, there is more. It is funny to me that people can sometimes rattle off a verse from the Bible but not be able to tell you what it says before or after (myself included!). As always, God does not give us a command and leave us wondering how to follow through with the order. In 1 Peter 3:15b-16 God tells us, "But do this with gentleness and respect, 16 keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander." (New International Version).
I honestly believe that if more Christians would live the rest of the passage of Scripture out we would have a lot less problems in the world; especially current day America! We can't just yell "Turn or burn!!" It is just as important to show love and explain why the need for Jesus as it is to tell about Jesus. That is what the rest of this verse is saying. Speaking about God in love and respect not only tells people about Jesus, it also shows them. If we as Christians would follow this command properly, there would be a lot less people saying "I'll never go back to that church again, they are such hypocrites!" The lost world instead would see that we have a hope for a reason. That Jesus really is loving, merciful and kind. Imagine with me for a moment, how truly wonderful things would be if we showed Christ's love with our words and our actions. It is a beautiful image.
Which leads me to the final part of this verse. We are to do this so that we will have a clear conscience and anyone who speaks bad of us will have no real offense to speak of. They will be ashamed of their slandering ways because no fruit can come of it. Instead of the world making fools of the church, the ones who choose to slander will be made to look like fools. In essence, the good guys win out in the end! Nothing is better than that.
So you can see that in these two short verses God has provided for us a command, instructions on how to follow through as well as the reasoning for doing so. God does not leave us hanging. He always provides for his children. I love that so much and it gives me such comfort.
I probably should confess, in writing this I am not trying to point fingers at anyone; unless possibly myself. I am speaking to myself as much as anyone else. This is just what I have taken from my time with God today and thought I would share with anyone who might be interested. I hope you have been blessed by reading this. please feel free to comment or share. I love to start conversations and discuss these things. Have a wonderful day, my friends :)
Thursday, November 17, 2016
Stigmas Within the Church
I have been in the church scene my entire life. I have seen healthy churches, unhealthy churches, and even dead churches. I have been hurt terribly by church people and I have been loved my the people of the church. I have experienced it all. The joy and heartbreak can be overwhelming. I remember saying to my husband more than once, "I will never walk away from God but I am done with His people!" After years of struggling, I see how wrong that attitude was. God has given us people to help us through life. We are to assemble together, worship together, praise Him together and help one another. However there is one thing that is stopping this from happening for some people. Cliques and stigmas! I want to keep my focus right now on the stigma. There are just some things that people of the church will not allow to be deal with. This is very wrong. It is time that we as a church body stop choosing what is ok to talk about and what is not and just help each other deal with whatever is bothering us. We need to be there for each other in love and acceptance no matter what the issue, the very same way Jesus hung on the cross for every one of our sins.
There are many things that are acceptable in the church for people to discuss. For example, when someone is ready to divorce their spouse and God steps in to do a miraculous work saving the marriage the people rejoice. They should be rejoicing, this is a wonderful thing! But there are certain issues that the church will not touch as far as letting people know that they are willing to help them. Two things in particular that I am referring to is mental health issues and abortion.
For mental health issues, the church (I am speaking in general, there are healthy churches who are doing a wonderful job helping people.) tells its people that they just need to trust in God more. If someone was having a heart attack the pastor or leaders would never dream of saying "Just have more faith, read your Bible, pray more and you will be fine!" Of course they would call 911, escort the saint to the hospital, sit with the family and pray as the doctors did their work. However if that same person was having a mental breakdown, the church would tell them that they are not trusting in God enough. They honestly believe that since its a problem within the mind, the only help must be to have more faith.
What we need to see is that the brain is a part of the body just the same as the heart. Mental health issues as just as real as heart or lung issues and need dealt with professionally. We cannot just push a person aside telling them that they would be fine if they would just pray more. Mental health issues can be anything from chemical imbalances, hormonal issues, or many other things. We as a church need to show love and compassion. Additionally, we need to let them know that they can be comfortable coming to us with these problems. Talk about it often; bring it up and let the people know that it is common, it is a health issue and that it is ok. Stop making these people feel as if they as less than!
The second issue that I want to discuss is abortion. The church stands pretty firm on their belief on abortion. Generally, the people within the church will tell you that they are (at least mostly) pro-life and against abortion. But it can't stop there! I have seen people say (and share on social media) gruesome photos and shout "HOW COULD YOU KILL YOUR BABY?!" While it is true that abortion is killing a child, when these comments are being made it is not being considered how hurtful it is to the women who have already made this disastrous choice. Where are we for her? She is desperate for hope, yet no one is there. All she sees is judgement. The post-abortive woman knows that she is not welcome in the church to tell her story. How could she ever admit that she's done this horrible thing when the people constantly scream that she's a murderer! She finds no peace or forgiveness anywhere. So she remains in her silent prison. The sad part is, a lot of times she's already serving in the church, but she is keeping her secret because surely no one would ever love her or let her work in a ministry if they knew.
We as a church have to get past this. No one should ever be afraid to talk about their sins because we are all guilty. All sin is equally bad and all sin is equally covered by the precious blood of Jesus. Who are we to pick and chose what is acceptable and what is not? It's all unacceptable!! The only thing that makes any of us worthy is Jesus. We as a church must bring these things out into the forefront. We need to do whatever is necessary to make these people (and others!) welcome. We need to show them that we have open arms to love them and show them the way to forgiveness and healing. This is vital!
While I have much more that I could say on this topic, I will end with the Word of our amazing God in James 5:16 "Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working."
There are many things that are acceptable in the church for people to discuss. For example, when someone is ready to divorce their spouse and God steps in to do a miraculous work saving the marriage the people rejoice. They should be rejoicing, this is a wonderful thing! But there are certain issues that the church will not touch as far as letting people know that they are willing to help them. Two things in particular that I am referring to is mental health issues and abortion.
For mental health issues, the church (I am speaking in general, there are healthy churches who are doing a wonderful job helping people.) tells its people that they just need to trust in God more. If someone was having a heart attack the pastor or leaders would never dream of saying "Just have more faith, read your Bible, pray more and you will be fine!" Of course they would call 911, escort the saint to the hospital, sit with the family and pray as the doctors did their work. However if that same person was having a mental breakdown, the church would tell them that they are not trusting in God enough. They honestly believe that since its a problem within the mind, the only help must be to have more faith.
What we need to see is that the brain is a part of the body just the same as the heart. Mental health issues as just as real as heart or lung issues and need dealt with professionally. We cannot just push a person aside telling them that they would be fine if they would just pray more. Mental health issues can be anything from chemical imbalances, hormonal issues, or many other things. We as a church need to show love and compassion. Additionally, we need to let them know that they can be comfortable coming to us with these problems. Talk about it often; bring it up and let the people know that it is common, it is a health issue and that it is ok. Stop making these people feel as if they as less than!
The second issue that I want to discuss is abortion. The church stands pretty firm on their belief on abortion. Generally, the people within the church will tell you that they are (at least mostly) pro-life and against abortion. But it can't stop there! I have seen people say (and share on social media) gruesome photos and shout "HOW COULD YOU KILL YOUR BABY?!" While it is true that abortion is killing a child, when these comments are being made it is not being considered how hurtful it is to the women who have already made this disastrous choice. Where are we for her? She is desperate for hope, yet no one is there. All she sees is judgement. The post-abortive woman knows that she is not welcome in the church to tell her story. How could she ever admit that she's done this horrible thing when the people constantly scream that she's a murderer! She finds no peace or forgiveness anywhere. So she remains in her silent prison. The sad part is, a lot of times she's already serving in the church, but she is keeping her secret because surely no one would ever love her or let her work in a ministry if they knew.
We as a church have to get past this. No one should ever be afraid to talk about their sins because we are all guilty. All sin is equally bad and all sin is equally covered by the precious blood of Jesus. Who are we to pick and chose what is acceptable and what is not? It's all unacceptable!! The only thing that makes any of us worthy is Jesus. We as a church must bring these things out into the forefront. We need to do whatever is necessary to make these people (and others!) welcome. We need to show them that we have open arms to love them and show them the way to forgiveness and healing. This is vital!
While I have much more that I could say on this topic, I will end with the Word of our amazing God in James 5:16 "Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)