I remember thinking that it may be a peaceful, quiet day because we couldn't go anywhere thanks to the weather. I was happy for the change in pace and looked forward to getting caught up on things at home and playing games with my kids. As we know too well, it only takes one second for a persons whole life to change. That second happened on this Saturday for me.
My dad, who lived in my hometown which was three hours away from where I live had been in Hospice care for about three years. He had been up and down health-wise. There had been many times when I would get the call to hurry down to be at his side, so I was used to that at this point. But when this call came in, I knew it would be the last. Hospice had agreed. It was time to call the family in. My dad's health had declined and he had not been alert. He had been moved a few days before from the Hospice inpatient house to a local nursing home. The nurse, an old family friend, knew that his time was now very short.
I spent that Saturday feeling heart-broken and stuck. My dad was on his deathbed and could breathe his last breath at any moment and I was stuck in central Ohio. There was absolutely no way to make the trip to southern Ohio to be by his side. There was nothing that I could do. Nothing, but to pray. I cried many tears that day and prayed that God would let him hold on just until I could get there.
The weather broke throughout the day and praise God, the next morning I was able to make the trip to be by my daddy's side. Walking into my dad's room I felt so peaceful. His body was there, but it did not take long to realize that, while he was still breathing, his soul had already begun departing.
Dad slept, of course. Though he would "wake up" periodically, he really wasn't awake. It was just a matter of time, as his body had already begun the process of shutting down. While this was a sad thing for my family and me, it was joyous for him. We could even see it in his face. His body lay in that bed, but his mind, we could tell, was seeing Jesus.
I spent two nights in that little room with so many questions racing through my mind. During those two days, I also enjoyed precious time with some family and family friends that I hadn't seen in a long time. It was so good to spend time with them, I still to this day cherish that time. I remember talking with my husband, who was still at our home asking what I should do. We still had things that needed done at home, kids to get through school. We knew that his time was short, but it could have been minutes or a week. I didn't know if I should go home, get things organized, get more clothes and come back, or if I should stay. My husband, being his typical wonderful self, assured me that I needed to be there and that things would be ok at home. So I went to Walmart to buy some clean clothes to wear and decided to stay.
That next morning, Wednesday, my husband called and asked if I wanted him to come down. I told him that it was up to him. He said that he felt like he should be there to hold my hand, as I held my dad's hand. He gave all our kids the option to go and my daughter chose to come along as well. She would text me to update the progress of the trip. About the time that I knew they were almost there, we started to notice some differences in how my dad was. We were watching, but trying to stay calm as well. Some guests had just left and I sat down in the chair at the foot of my dad's bed. I was in college and wanted to try and get some of my work done. Almost as soon as I opened up my coursework, something started happening. My dad started shaking, almost as if he was having some sort of a seizure.
The shaking did not last too awful long and dad's body relaxed. Somehow, we all knew that the time we had been dreading for years had finally come. Just at that moment, my husband and daughter walked in the room. It was as if he was holding on for them to get there. I watched as hid chest would rise and fall; each breath a little more different and further apart. Someone had told me that when it got to this point we should count between breathes, so I did. 5... 10... 20... The nothing.
I will never forget my dad's last breath. I have never felt so sad and relieved at the same time. I was heart-broken that my daddy was gone, but so happy for him because I knew he was now in Heaven. I knew that the second he took that last breath he was in the arms of Jesus. He was vising with his mom and dad, his brother. He was no longer in pain. He was no longer sad. He was no longer worried. He was nothing but peaceful and happy. To this day, that understanding helps me deal with the pain and sadness of his departure.
Even though I will always have that peace, I will also always miss my daddy. I spent way too many years upset with him and not talking to him. I can never get those years back. But I know that at the end, we had a great relationship. I praise God that I got to hold his hand as he entered eternity. I know that he wanted me there.
Until I join you, I love you and miss you daddy.
Larry Bussa
1/1/47 - 1/29/14
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