It Is Well With My Soul

This is a wonderful hymn with an amazing story. To give you the basic idea, the author's wife and children died in a ship wreck. He visited the site of the sinking and as he sat in a boat surrounded by the water that had take the lives of his family, he wrote a hymn praising an amazing God. The title says it all, "It is Well With My Soul". The author was ok with the loss of his precious family because he knew that they were in the hands of the Almighty God and that they were ok. He had amazing faith in our awesome God. A faith that we could all learn from. That is his story, but I have a story of my own surrounding his song.

Twelve years ago I lost someone very precious to me. It wasn't the first and it hasn't been the last death that I would have to deal with, but this one was different. This death was the end of my life with a brother who loved me very dearly. Not only did he love me, but I was not always very nice to him. I miss my brother, but I also have guilt surrounding his death.

There was a time when I was trying to deal with this loss when I sent an email to my husband and my pastor. We had just sang this hymn in church and I could not sing it. My words in this email stated that it most certainly was not well with my soul. I knew that it should be; I was aware that I had to deal with this and trust God, but I have no idea how to do so. How can I make it well with my soul when I miss my brother so much and have so much guilt about his absence?

A few years followed this email and every time this hymn came up I cringed. I had gotten to the point when I couldn't even stand the thought of it. I knew that this was not ok. So I began to pray. I asked God to help me. I wanted Him to show me how to make this ok so I could sing this song and more importantly, trust in Him fully, even in the bad things in life.

About a year or so ago, they began to play this song in church. This time, I sang, with tears flowing down my cheeks. At some points, I couldn't even get words out because I was crying so hard. As I sang I prayed. I told God that it is still not well with my soul but that I would sing it anyways because I trusted Him to make it ok. I continued like this for about a year. I got to the point where I could say it was ok with my soul. Not well, but ok. I still stiffened if I heard the beginning music of this song but I could handle it.

That was until yesterday. As I sat in church,  I heard that old familiar hymn begin to play and noticed that I was not stiffening. I was not dreading singing this song. I had no tears welling up in my eyes. I had peace and joy. I sang, probably louder than I ever have. I smiled as I sang and I praised my God and was finally able to say "It is well with my soul!" I miss my brother. I still have things to deal with concerning the guilt that I feel. But because of my amazing God, it is finally well with my soul. I can have joy and peace while praising my God. He has made me well. Praising Him today for the peace that passes all understanding.