New Life

Lately I've been struggling in my Christian walk. Even before this whole COVID thing, I haven't been able to go to church in a very long time because I am a server and in my business, you work on Sundays. I haven't yet found a church that I could attend on Sunday evenings and my church doesn't have that option. So as I go about my daily struggle, I have been praying and asking God to take me back to the day I was saved. I wanted to remember the joy, the amazement and the acceptance that I felt that wonderful night. Then God reminded me that I envision things so much better when I write about them, so I decided to blog about it.

I had been living a life of wondering. Mental breakdowns, bad choices and bitterness had ruled my life so far and I had no clue that there was any life besides that. At twenty-three years old I had already been divorced, had a baby out of wedlock and had an abortion. I didn't go to college and had no direction in life except to raise my son the best I could, I adored him with all my heart and he was the only thing in life to look forward to that I had.

There was a guy that I worked with named Jason  that I had felt drawn to. He was a Christian and was always singing hymns and praise songs. It was in a lumber yard, most of the people there were not very Christian friendly and most picked on him quite a bit. I was brought up in the church and would always get picked on for going to church so I felt the need to stand up for him. I was constantly telling the guys to leave him alone. After seeing me take a stand for him, Jason and I started to talk. He was telling me about the Bible and I started feeling drawn to read God's Word. One day, Jason told me about a Christmas play at his church. That would be the night my life changed forever.

Jason's church was in another town, about an hour away. He lived in yet another town, so we met half way and I followed him to the church. When we got there, I found out that Jason was actually in the play and we were among the first there because he had to have a practice run-through before. So I sat there by myself in an empty, very big church. That was a big thing for me because I had a fear of being alone. It left me alone to my thoughts and I had fought very hard in my past to never be alone with my thoughts.

But there I sat, totally alone and when people did start trickling in, I had no idea who they were and they didn't know me, so no one came to speak to me. I spent that time doing what I had always done when I was alone, thought about how miserable I was and hearing my thoughts betray me and tell me that I would never be a good person worthy of living, let alone do anything good. I fighting tears (something else that I NEVER let anyone see me do!) before the play even started.

A few scenes into the play I was transported. My body sat in a church full of strangers, but my soul seemed to be in a different dimension. It was like no one around me could see me or hear me. But I did hear a voice. To me, it was very audible and I knew exactly who this voice was. It was Jesus, I have no question about this. He asked me if I was finally sick of the life that I had been living. I quickly replied "YES!" I was totally broken. I literally felt as if my entire soul lay on the floor in a thousand pieces like a puzzle, desperate for someone to put me back together. (Yes, I am a very imaginative person.) God spoke to me and told me that He had always been with me and that He was waiting for my return to Him. He told me that He loved me and I asked how He could with all that I had done, tears now streaming down my face. I didn't see anything but I felt God wrap His amazing arms around me and tell me that He loved me regardless of what I had done. He told me that I was His child whether I felt like it or not and that He died for me. He wanted to know if I was ready to give my life to Him and begin living what can only be the true way to live, in Him. I told Him that I had nothing left; nothing left to offer. He told me all He wanted was me. I gladly accepted that invitation that night and have never regretted it since.

Now I realize that some may read this and laugh. God actually talking to me, like that happened, right?  My answer is simple, yes! This wasn't a physical conversation, it was a spiritual one. I really can't explain it because I don't think that it's something that our finite minds con comprehend but I know without any shadow of a doubt that I was reborn that day. It was a miracle that has changed me totally. I didn't all the sudden become happy, I became full of joy. I had a completely different outlook on life when I walked out of the church that night.

About a month later, I was beginning to get involved in a church and had even met the man who would become my husband. I was setting out for a life in Christ. I went to work and I saw Jason. He had been driving an hour to work every day because there were no jobs available in his area. He told me one day that a transfer had been approved for him to work at the store nearer to his home. I told him that I believed that he had been there for me so he could help guide me to God. He said "Ya know, I think you're right and it was totally worth it. I'm so glad I could be a part of that for you." I thanked him for all he had done.

Other than him coming to my wedding a few months later, I have not seen Jason since. The story isn't about him, but I thank God for using him as a help to guide me to God. I will forever be thankful. I hope that God will use me as a "Jason" to someone. My life belongs to Jesus and I hope that people see that and that God will use me to guide others to Him. I guess I just needed to go back to where it all began for me and I wanted to share it with you, my friends. Never forget, God is good. He is life-changing. He is the One True Way.